Yes, I am being honest with them. I've told the OT I throw the supplement drinks down the sink and lie to my mother about it because I don't want to lose control and drink/eat things only because of others. I've also told them how guilty this makes me feel and that losing this weight has boosted my self-esteem. I've told them I don't have an 'anorexic voice' in my head, but I haven't told them the extent of the dark thoughts that I sometimes experience. I see someone privately for CBT who is fantastic and I've told her everything because I really trust her as I know she genuinely cares.
There's a reluctance to bare all to the cmht. I'm afraid of the ED services taking my control away before it's totally necessary, if that makes sense? I have plans coming together for the near future and it would crush me if a stop was put to them. The cmht and my therapist and the ED team all want me to achieve these plans.