My mate bet me £50 I couldn't build a car out of pasta. You should've seen her face when I drove pasta
My mate bet me £50 I couldn't build a car out of pasta. You should've seen her face when I drove pasta
I went to the zoo the other day and only amimal there was a small dog. It was a shih-tzu
I'm not one for buoyancy but whatever floats your boat.
They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
Last night i was cleaning the attic with the wife.
Filthy, dirty, covered in cobwebs. Still shes good with the kids..gif "(rofl)")
They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
S deleted (21-04-15)
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
As a youngster my mother was always trying to encourage me.
She would say things like "son, if you put your mind to it you can achieve anything you want; the skies the limit"
I was really upset at this, as i wanted to be an astronaut.
They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
A man walks into a butchers and asks for a sirloin steak.
The Butcher says: "Ill bet you £50.00 you cant reach that bit of meat on the top shelf there".
The man replies: "Sorry, im not taking the bet".
"Why not" replies the butcher.
"The steaks are too high" replies the man.
Sorry, ill get my coat!
They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
From real 911 calls in the U.S.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
What is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich . Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!
They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
I knocked on the door of a guy and he said;"i'd like to introduce you to my wife and sister"
There was only one woman standing there!.
They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
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