Jokes and one liners

[purplefan]

Did you hear about the Irish woman who had a phantom pregnancy?
She gave birth to a baby ghost.

Did you hear about the Irish clairvoyant? She was closed due to unforeseen circumstances.

Did you hear about the irish man who though the cold war happened in the winter.

Did you hear about the irish man who burnt his feet. when his wife asked how he did it. He replied: " I was cooking a steam pudding and it said
pierce tin and stand in boiling water".

Did you hear about the Irish man who fell out the window while ironing his curtains.

[Pen]

Did you hear about the two seater plane that crashed in an Irish cemetery. Irish police have so far uncovered 200 bodies and are still counting.

[Suzi]

[purplefan]

[purplefan]

I am going to start a new magazine.
You have heard of hello, the celebrity magazine that goes round celeb gaffs and interviews them?

I am starting one with a difference. I am going to go to dead celebrity graves and take pictures of the headstones.
I am going to call the magazine.

Goodbye.

[Pen]

Did you hear about the ice cream man who was found in his van, dead, covered in hundreds and thousands? Police say he topped himself.

[purplefan]

Doctor, doctor I feel like a sheep.
oh that's very baaaaaaaad!

Doctor, doctor...I've just swallowed a roll of film!
come back tomorrow and we'll see what develops!

Doctor doctor, What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?
I find that very hard to believe!

Doctor doctor, I'm really worried about my breathing
We'll soon put a stop to that

[purplefan]

After retiring, a man went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's License to verify his age.
He looked in his pockets and realized that he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So the man opened his shirt revealing his curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed with his Social Security application...
When he got home, he excitedly told his wife about his experience at the Social Security office....
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

[Paula]

[amaeru]