I think the last piece of the puzzle has finally dropped into place. Instead of worrying about things I cant control & disliking things about myself that I cant change is to channel those emotions into things I can. Hopefully cbt will help do that & not to give up so fast. Ill still be depressed - I realise that but not let myself drown in it - as CeeCee says go with the flow.
I think Im more self aware about better things now & less about the bad. Almost ready to & youre all invited