View Full Version : Dreaming of thriving
Strugglingmum
28-01-21, 08:07 PM
New thread as per boss lady ;)
Glad to report I stayed upright out for my walk today.... left the dog at home.... there could be a connection.
Feeling a bit blah tonight but I know that's because I didnt achieve what I wanted today, but it's ok, tomorrow is coming.
Until then, theres chocolate!
Good that you went out for a walk. And even if you did not achieve what you wanted you did make people happy by being here and talking to people. You have good insights and know how to relate. So thats a win for the day. Enjoy the chocolate :)
You didn't fall? That's awesome! Well done love (rofl) (rofl) (rofl)
What didn't you achieve today?
Loving the new thread!
Stella180
28-01-21, 08:57 PM
You’re starting to get used to this one foot in front of the other thing. Lol
Strugglingmum
28-01-21, 09:00 PM
What didn't you achieve today?
I didnt finish my blanket, the invisible thread beat me into submission. I will regroup and attack again tomorrow with thread that I can see(rofl)
There were other parts of the project that I could have got on with but i abandoned the whole thing. Bit cross with myself for not regrouping quicker, however I will get there
Stella180
28-01-21, 09:12 PM
Sounds like you did the right thing. Better than sticking with it and getting more stressed out.
I don't know anyone who likes invisible thread! You did the right thing if you ask me!
I agree, just pushing on and on is often counterproductive...
I love the new thread too...this one, not the invisible one;). You're right to have a rethink. I'm sure everything will fall into place today. What is invisible thread like? Is it like fine fishing line or something....I don't think I've ever come come across it. But maybe I have and I just didn't see it!!...oh shut up Flo!!(rofl)
Strugglingmum
29-01-21, 08:11 AM
(rofl)
Yes very very fine fishing line. My daughter uses it for some quilting projects so it's in the machine so not as problematic.
The project I'm working on suggested using it to sew on the appliques but because I cant see the stitches I'm making a mess of it. I'm going to resort to white thread. It should look ok.
I don't blame you at all for not using the invisible stuff! Yes, it's very much like fishing line!
Is that what's on the plan for today?
Strugglingmum
30-01-21, 08:37 PM
Back to sewing on the bunnies today.
Had to remove the ones I had used the invisible thread because when Io looked at them she said the stitches were too loopy..... I couldn't even see the stitches but she knows I want it done right so start again!
A and I did the shopping today so we have just been together most of the day. It helps to calm me.
Have my psychiatrist review on Monday, I'm a bit anxious about it so using lots of relaxation techniques to try and breathe through it all.
What are you anxious about it for love?
I'm glad you've spent time with A. Will he be able to be there with you for the appointment?
Strugglingmum
30-01-21, 10:50 PM
I'm just always a bit antsy about it but my psychologist has written to him about some things too so it just unsettles me a bit.
Try not to worry about it...remember that everything done and said is FOR you not against you. You'll be fine.(bear)
Flo’s wise, love. What are you doing today?
Strugglingmum
31-01-21, 09:35 AM
Flo’s wise, love. What are you doing today?
I'm not sure yet. I'm still in bed and its blowing a gale outside....not enticing me any(rofl)
OldMike
31-01-21, 09:43 AM
Yep I find invisible thread unmanageable if t is what I think it is it's fine nylon thread which isn't very flexible unlike cotton, I know these things with age comes knowledge ;)
You know you can talk about anything you're antsy about love... But Flo is right, they're all working to try to help you..
If you're going out today, please wrap yourself in bubble wrap!
It's sleeting here! Wrap up well.
Here too. Demi was getting very upset with the sky (giggle)
Strugglingmum
31-01-21, 03:29 PM
I did a bit of crochet work to upload stuff to my page and got another order so that's good.
I did venture out for a quick beach walk with Io and Katie. It was Baltic but I get guilty if I dont take Katie out and I need the walk myself.
Movie on and crochet needle in hand.
What movie are you watching?
Well done on the sale!
Did you stay upright on the walk?
Strugglingmum
31-01-21, 07:01 PM
What movie are you watching?
Well done on the sale!
Did you stay upright on the walk?
Do you know I cant remember what movie I watched, I wasnt really invested.... it was just for distraction.
Today I gained a bruise and lump on my elbow and a lump and bruise on my shin...... I walked into a ladder at home.
We’ve had a day of it....
Oh bless you! Sweetheart are you wobbly and off balance a lot?
You poor little devil....how on earth did you manage to walk into a ladder? outside or inside? Hope you feel a little better today love.xx
Morning lovely, how are you today?
Strugglingmum
01-02-21, 09:11 AM
Oh bless you! Sweetheart are you wobbly and off balance a lot?
Just careless!
You poor little devil....how on earth did you manage to walk into a ladder? outside or inside? Hope you feel a little better today love.xx
Thanks Flo. Inside. A had left them on their side in the hall, I walked out of the bathroom and fell over them
Morning lovely, how are you today?
At the Orthodontist with Io. Waiting for my psychiatrist to phone too.
I hate that you have no idea what time they will phone, I get antsy just waiting all morning. Last time I was told morning it was 3pm before he phoned. But yes I know, I'm lucky to have the care.
Sorry that it's hit and miss with timings. I know it's tough - my GP is the same.... But, as you say it's good there is medical help there, but it doesn't stop it from being challenging with all the unknowns...
Strugglingmum
01-02-21, 12:18 PM
Just bruised and achey. I'll live!
Strugglingmum
01-02-21, 06:24 PM
A long day waiting for my psychiatrist to phone for my appointment.....counting but it went well and I can relax now.
A has just announced he is taking next 2 days off work so we are planning a good walk tomorrow afternoon. I have a zoom call for CV planning in the morning and also a psychology appointment. I'll be glad to get out in the fresh air after.
I've lots of crochet to do so feet up and hooking!
I'm glad A is going to be at home over the next couple of days. Make sure you talk to him - and please be careful out walking....
Glad all went well for you with psych. Have a lovely walk with hubby today.
Hope the calls go ok today and enjoy your time with A :)
OldMike
02-02-21, 09:18 AM
Be careful out there walking if the weather is as slushy and slippy as it is here.
Hope your calls have gone well and that A is keeping a close eye on your walking this afternoon!
Jaquaia
02-02-21, 11:51 AM
Just a reminder, feet go on the floor, head goes in the direction of the sky and bottom somewhere in between (giggle)
Strugglingmum
02-02-21, 01:42 PM
I dont know what you mean!!!! :o
You would think I struggled to stay upright to hear you all(rofl)
Flipping bucketing........ wet walk here we come!!
Enjoy the WALK, not sliding on your bum!
Strugglingmum
02-02-21, 08:13 PM
Pleased to report even though it was lashing rain, we walked and I stayed upright.... even though we were walking over grass. :P
A and I walked over the golf course that he is a member of.
It is still closed due to lockdown so he said it really helped his headspace just to walk the course. We took Katie too and she loved running mad. Had to be careful to keep her off the greens though.
We were both wearing waterproof bottoms over our trousers and waterproof coats but we were still dripping. Invigorating.
Just finished my dance exercise class with my little tambourine. I really enjoyed it as I just feel the need to be very active today.
Ready to lift me hook now and get some work done.
Stella180
02-02-21, 08:31 PM
Wow! I’m tired just reading that. Your energy shines through.
Well done lovely! Sounds like a brilliant time! Well done for staying upright! That's amazing!
Strugglingmum
03-02-21, 09:25 AM
Had a really good sleep last night.
A said he would take Io to work seeing as he was off so I slept the whole night, right through till 8am. I got almost 9 hrs sleep!!!!!
Another very wet day here. I have a lot of crochet to keep me going!
So glad you got some decent sleep! No plans for walking in the wind and rain and trying to stay on your feet today then?
Strugglingmum
03-02-21, 12:38 PM
Io has a volunteer shift tonight at the foodbank so I'll have a walk round the town while I'm waiting for her. Her shift lasts 2 hrs so plenty of time for a walk then.
Stella180
03-02-21, 01:03 PM
She’s a good kid. You’ve got yourself a good man there too, and they are lucky to have a fabulous wife and mother in you.
That's a cool thing for her to do. Are you going to be able to stay upright?
Strugglingmum
03-02-21, 03:24 PM
She’s a good kid. You’ve got yourself a good man there too, and they are lucky to have a fabulous wife and mother in you.
Thank you.
That's a cool thing for her to do. Are you going to be able to stay upright?
She has volunteered there for about 3 years. She also used to help out occasionally at our local one when I ran it.
I will do my very best to stay upright.....you got to admit, I'm starting to get the hang of it!
Don't speak too soon!
It's really fab that she volunteers out of choice! You've got great kids by the sounds of it love.
Strugglingmum
03-02-21, 07:59 PM
Got to love a good trudge in the rain.
4 miles and I'm good and damp(rofl)
Now if only I didnt need to go to Tesco on the way home!
Ah well, got to be done. Cant wait to get home though. Hate driving in the dark and rain. Our country roads flood so easily.
Drive safely love.
Send someone else to the shops! :)
I hate driving in the dark and rain too...for the very same reasons. Our country roads are used as rat runs and some of them drive like maniacs! What a good walk you had.
Strugglingmum
04-02-21, 09:22 AM
Good morning. I'm up fed, medicated and a huge pile of ironing done.
Going to lift my hook for a couple of hours before I have to take C to work. Wish the rain would bugger off. Would love a dry walk!
Well done for getting the ironing done!
Are you pacing or going flat out today? Are you being kind to you?
How has your day been? I read it as I am fed up. Funny how just switching words can make something totaly different.
How are you doing?
Good morning. I'm up fed, medicated and a huge pile of ironing done.
Going to lift my hook for a couple of hours before I have to take C to work. Wish the rain would bugger off. Would love a dry walk!Hope you feel a bit better today love. I felt like you did yesterday too...except without the ironing! Managed a quick walk though in the only half hour that it had stopped raining...got back in the house and it rained again for the rest of the day...oh for a sunny day!
Morning lovely, how are you today? Are you up to anything good today?
Strugglingmum
05-02-21, 10:36 AM
Morning all.
I did one of my back to bed stunts today after I took Io to work, although I brought my crochet up with me to finish the border on a blanket. Did that and went back to sleep for an hour. I'm warm and cosy and would like to stay here but I have a lot to do so need to prise myself out of it.
Have things to do so really need to move.
Can we see pics of the blanket?
Hope you're pacing today love.
Strugglingmum
05-02-21, 12:07 PM
Can we see pics of the blanket?
I have appliques to apply to it yet, but yes when it's done. X
Strugglingmum
05-02-21, 02:13 PM
The rain stopped so as I had to go to the post office I took Katie for a walk at the same time. I drove to the village , parked the car at the community centre and I swear I had only taken about 50 steps and the heavens opened grr but by that stage Katie was excited so we had to keep walking. We did a couple of miles, went to the post office, drove home, got some warm soup and...... the sun is now splitting the trees. I'm going to put my feet up and crochet. Had enough. (rofl)
Stella180
05-02-21, 02:24 PM
You were clearly born under the same lucky star as me. Lol
You were clearly born under the same lucky star as me. LolHahaha! I managed to get a 20 minute window between gushes and then it hissed down again!
SM it's called Sods Law!!(rofl)
Strugglingmum
05-02-21, 11:21 PM
Its 23:20 and my daughter wants to know,
If someone is born deaf, what language do they think in?
So just in case anyone can't sleep, something for you to mull over.
Me ? I'm going to bed to shut the questions out of my brain(think)
OldMike
06-02-21, 09:23 AM
Its 23:20 and my daughter wants to know,
If someone is born deaf, what language do they think in?
So just in case anyone can't sleep, something for you to mull over.
Me ? I'm going to bed to shut the questions out of my brain(think)
Need to think about that (think)
Nope not got an answer.
Jaquaia
06-02-21, 10:51 AM
(rofl)
Morning love, how are things today?
Strugglingmum
06-02-21, 01:50 PM
Been busy this morning.
Had 2 orders to deliver while I was up in the town doing the shopping. Home, lunch had, shopping unpacked.
May take a break from the crochet hook this afternoon.
Its dry, I should really take Katie out but I'm needing a kick up the bum to go out again.
Why are you needing a kick to go out? Taking a break from the hook sounds good, you've been so busy recently. It's great you're getting orders, but maybe you need to allow yourself some fun too?
Strugglingmum
06-02-21, 04:10 PM
I'm needing a kick because going out once a day seems to be my limit and I've already been out to do the shopping.
Anyway. She is outside with A and Io so I've promised a long walk tomorrow to make up for it.
I've been doing some housework and now I'm ready to flake out.
Feet up and in my blanket.....a sure fire sign that I'm done for a while.
Good! A time of rest for a bit might be a good idea!
Strugglingmum
07-02-21, 01:38 PM
Was on the beach for 9:30 this morning. Its blowing a gale but Katie and I enjoyed a good stomp. Took C to work but now I'm home and not moving. Going to lift my hook and get some work done. Fire is lit, just need the room to warm up so my fingers can move.
Just need to find a movie to watch.
Sounds heavenly :). No snow?
We had snowflakes! Didn't settle as it's too wet, but we are hoping...
Strugglingmum
07-02-21, 04:05 PM
There were a couple of flakes blowing about. We dont really get snow where I live. I'm on a narrow Peninsula with salt water on both side which keeps the snow at bay.
Surrounded by beaches on 2 sides huh? Lucky you! Sounds amazing!
OldMike
07-02-21, 05:54 PM
Woo hoo to live near the sea sounds idyllic.
Wow! I miss not having the beach on my doorstep..how lovely.
Morning gorgeous, how are you today?
Strugglingmum
08-02-21, 10:19 AM
Morning all,I'm grand thanks Suzi.
Bit of running around to do today and a psychology appointment at lunchtime. Other than that, housework and crochet.
Such a lazy head. Went back to bed this morning!
That’s not lazy - just preparation for a busy day!! Hope psychology goes ok
Lazy??...you're anything but lazy!Hope the psychology goes well....have a good one sweetie!
Strugglingmum
08-02-21, 11:55 AM
Just wondering, does anyone share photos to dwd from Insta?
When I copy the link and then try to use it it says invalid file.
Wondering what I'm doing wrong or if it's not possible to share from insta.
What platform does everyone use to share photos? (Free)
Stella180
08-02-21, 12:03 PM
I use ibb.co I’m not on Instagram so don’t know.
I haven't tried insta. FB is easy, or ibb?
Strugglingmum
08-02-21, 02:38 PM
I'm not managing it from fb either but I'll fire up the laptop and try from there. Definitely not happening from my phone
You have to open the image in a new tab and then take that link..
Strugglingmum
08-02-21, 10:14 PM
What is ibb? Is it an apple thing?
Ok thanks for the tips. I'll have a go. I think I need to do it from my laptop to do that so I'll need to charge it.
Jaquaia
08-02-21, 10:39 PM
I use dropbox. You can create a link there and paste it straight here. To embed it in your post, past the link in the image tags then change the dla=0 at the end of the link to raw=1
OldMike
09-02-21, 10:46 AM
What is ibb? Is it an apple thing?
Ok thanks for the tips. I'll have a go. I think I need to do it from my laptop to do that so I'll need to charge it.
It's a free image hosting service which allows you to store a limited number of images pretty sure it has nothing to do with Apple unless anyone out there knows different, I can post the link here if you want.
Strugglingmum
09-02-21, 10:53 AM
Thanks Mike. I'm not great with tech stuff. I had just about managed photobox when it changed (rofl)
I'll try from FB when I'm on my laptop. It's just I'd said i would show Flo some of my crochet stuff at some point. It's already on FB and Instagram so if I manage it from there that would be better...... I may come back to you.!!
Morning lovely, how are things?
Strugglingmum
09-02-21, 01:19 PM
Thanks Suzi.
Um it's a tough one.
I'm really tired and a bit low. Psychology yesterday was really hard and in fact just thinking about it brings tears. I've asked for a week off next week to give me time to process and recover.
Anyway, I went back to bed after taking Io to work this morning and had another sleep. I've pottered at little jobs around the house and taken C to work. Feet up for a couple of hours with my hook. I have to go to the city later to pickup Io from work. I have a committee meeting tonight which I need like a hole in the head but at least its zoom, I dont have to go out.
Thanks for turning me pink, it means I can still log in without stressing.(Kiss)
(panda) I’m glad you’re making the time to put your feet up. And that you’re recognising you need space to process psychology
Sweetheart, never underestimate how hard psychology is and I'm so glad you're giving yourself time to process. Have you talked over any of it with anyone?
You're awesome and well loved, but if turning you pink was the right thing to do for you and your journey then that's great, all I ever want any of the team to do is put their needs first. It's why we have a large mod team - so people can take a break if needed.. There'll always be a space for you if you change your mind ;)
Can you miss the meeting tonight?
Strugglingmum
09-02-21, 10:02 PM
Do you ever sit in a committee meeting and literally all you hear is blah blah. I spaced out for a while and then realised, crap, I'm secretary, I'm supposed to be writing this crap down.(rofl)
I have to be up at 6 to take Io to work but I'm definitely coming home to bed again and then a day at home. I need space and time to think and gather myself up again. Everything is so raw I'm frightened to visit it again but I know I need to deal with it.
My psychologist suggested setting aside a short time each day to do this and setting an alarm to signal the end.
Stella180
09-02-21, 11:35 PM
There is an app, i think it’s called worry time. The idea is when you have a thought pop up you log it in the app and schedule time for you to deal with anything you log so you can get on with your day. That’s the theory at least. Don’t know if that is helpful.
Just look after yourself and concentrate on getting back on track.....you're much loved.(Kiss)
I'm so glad that you're going through things from psychology - it's really, really tough to do that and I'm so proud you are. Definitely signal the end and then get up and do something completely different. Can you plan something good for you for after?
Well done for the self care of going back to bed.
One step at a time, you're doing brilliantly.
Stella - haven't heard of that app, but that's a great idea.
Stella180
10-02-21, 09:48 AM
https://au.reachout.com/tools-and-apps/reachout-worrytime
Thank you for that link, I’ve downloaded it
Strugglingmum
15-02-21, 02:48 PM
Just leaving a 'hi' here for everyone.
Hi, lovely, how are you doing?
Hey hunni, how are things going?
Strugglingmum
15-02-21, 06:52 PM
Getting through. Just take each day as it comes.
I'm going to visit my mum's grave this week as part of processing things. Maybe it will help, I'm not sure but I'm going to try anyway.
Hope you're all ok.
That sounds like a tough trip. Are you going alone?
Strugglingmum
15-02-21, 08:18 PM
Yeah..... my standard, always out on my own.
Have you thought about asking A to go with you love? I worry about you making a trip like that alone....
I’m with Suzi, love. Doing that alone doesn’t sound like a great idea.... A loves you, hunni, let him support you
Strugglingmum
15-02-21, 09:09 PM
I would have to wait till the weekend for A to go.
I need to do it before then. Its Io's birthday at the weekend and I want to do it before then.
I'm kind of used to being on my own and doing things on my own. I also need to learn to be my own strength. Before I took ill I was fiercely independent..... too much I know now...... but I have to find some of it back again. Besides I could go all that way and it might have absolutely no effect on me. I could be totally fine. My emotions are so shut down right now who knows.
When's her birthday?
When are you planning on going? I'm going to pm you
Strugglingmum
15-02-21, 09:34 PM
Io's birthday is Sunday.
I'm not sure when I'll go. I will probably just decide on the day.
Sometimes doing something spontaneously is a good thing, that way you don't have time to fret and worry about it. Thinking of you.xx
OldMike
16-02-21, 09:29 AM
I agree with Flo spontaneity is a good thing saves all the worry and fretting involved in decision making (nod)
Wish Io a happy birthday from me! An epic time to have a birthday if you ask me ;)
Strugglingmum
16-02-21, 08:25 PM
I ended up sobbing at the dinner table tonight.
My husband calmly kept eating his dinner while my daughter looked on awkwardly, realised A wasnt going to hug me and then came and cuddled my head into her while I sobbed like a baby. Poor kid shouldn't have to cope with that. I feel bad for her.
I'm also really peeved at A.
(panda) hunni, I’m so sorry..... however, something that’s been thrown at me from Si sometimes is that I talk about wanted to be independent and recognised as strong. Maybe A was coming from that place? Of course, I’m probably completely wrong....
Marc's done the same to me and left it for the kids to console me. It's not that he doesn't care, more that he's trying not to undermine me or belittle independence... Don't worry too much about Io, it's good she can see that sometimes things are difficult for you... It helps them to then know that it's OK to not be OK itms?
Talk to A, tell him how much it upset you.
Strugglingmum
16-02-21, 11:47 PM
Thank you both. Xx
OldMike
17-02-21, 10:12 AM
Sometimes it is difficult to know what to do though I do get why you were peeved, it was good your little one gave a cuddle though (panda)
Strugglingmum
17-02-21, 02:47 PM
I didnt sleep great so went back to bed after getting Io to work. I got another 1.5hrs.
Positives.... I've had a shower and washed my hair. I made myself go for a walk with the dog. I've done the dishes and sorted laundry. I logged on to my zoom class even though I just want to isolate. I'm working on my crochet orders. I've eaten and I'm medicated.
I'm a bit sad and a bit all over the place in my thoughts. I'm more than a bit paranoid but I'm recognising all this and trying not to let it take over. I'm fighting.
It sounds like you've done loads love.
Do you want to talk about the sad and the paranoia?
You’ve been busy. Did it help?
You always fight, you’re awesome!
Strugglingmum
17-02-21, 06:57 PM
Being busy is my default. I've done ok today.
Think I'll visit mums grave tomorrow after lunch.
Done OK? You've done masses...
Hope it goes well tomorrow. We'll be here if you want/need to talk... Try not to bottle everything up love, it won't help if you do....
Strugglingmum
18-02-21, 09:16 AM
Got my first vaccine booked for next Wednesday!!
OldMike
18-02-21, 09:27 AM
Got my first vaccine booked for next Wednesday!!
Yay that's good :)
Yay!!
How are you today love?
Strugglingmum
18-02-21, 06:55 PM
Visited mums grave today. I cried on the way there but when I got there I couldnt. It did have positive outcomes though.
I took some false flowers (you're not allowed real flowers in the graveyard) and chatted to her as I arranged them in the pot. I also made a decision that was really positive.
It has always peeved me that when my father got the gravestone done he only got engraved that she was a beloved wife, there is no mention of her being a much loved mum or nanny. It makes me mad every time I look at it. It's a reminder that it's always all about him. Today as I studied the graves around mums I saw that people had secondary memorial stones so I have ordered 2. They should be here in time for mothers day. I can do something to remind me she was my mum and actually that other people can see she was so much more than just his wife.
It's going to be my act of remembrance for my mum.
That’s a lovely idea and I’m so glad you won’t have to wait long.
I'm so proud of you. I can't tell you how amazing you've been. Ordering those stones sounds perfect. You're amazing. Take back some control!
Strugglingmum
18-02-21, 08:27 PM
It felt a positive step and it does feel like a choice towards gaining back some control and that can only be good.
I'm honestly so proud of you.
Strugglingmum
21-02-21, 07:59 PM
Been a busy day here.
My daughter had her birthday and wanted a full turkey dinner..... there is a reason we only do this once a year for Christmas(rofl)
Anyway, she didnt want a cake but cinnamon scroll scones. Being GF she loves getting stuff baked fresh for her.
Of course it meant I had to make them fresh today. Anyway, I've had a nap and ready to do very little the rest of the night!
Theres enough turkey and ham for sandwiches for a week.
So glad she had a good day!
Hmmmm cinnamon scrolls yum! She has excellent taste!
Hope you're resting lovely, you deserve it!
Sounds delish!
How are you, love?
Awww...hope she had a good day, it sounds great.
OldMike
22-02-21, 10:58 AM
A turkey dinner yum yum sounds tasty.
Strugglingmum
22-02-21, 12:56 PM
My psychology appointment was cancelled this morning so took myself out on my own kind of therapy, 2 hrs on the beach with Katie. The sun is shining and it's fairly warm (9⁰). I've my 10000steps done so going to catch up on crochet today.....very little done over the weekend.
Wow, that's a lot of steps! Sorry that the psychology was cancelled, but glad that you got out to the beach. Did you stay upright?
OldMike
22-02-21, 03:03 PM
10,000 steps I wonder how far that is in miles or kilometres? Good for you SMum you smashed it.
Strugglingmum
22-02-21, 04:14 PM
Wow, that's a lot of steps! Sorry that the psychology was cancelled, but glad that you got out to the beach. Did you stay upright?
(rofl)managing to stay upright fairly well these days!!
10,000 steps I wonder how far that is in miles or kilometres? Good for you SMum you smashed it.
I did about 5 miles this morning Mike. It's hard to tell really as I wander up and down the shore as well as along it but a lot of it was coastal path this morning.
(rofl)managing to stay upright fairly well these days!!.
What’s the technique? ;)
OO I miss walking on the beach!
Strugglingmum
22-02-21, 11:26 PM
Anyone watch DIY SOS tonight?
Featured a lovely family from 1 of our local towns. Very proud of our local community tonight.....and being from NI I have many opportunities to feel exactly the opposite. So glad to let the rest of the country see that we dont actually all hate each other.
I sobbed through it with my lovely Hazel who has EDS too... It was so emotional and so absolutely beautiful in every way imaginable.
It’s on my list for later today
Strugglingmum
23-02-21, 09:14 PM
Been very stormy and wet here today so I didn't walk today. Had to do a few jobs but to be honest I have slept a lot of the day.
You obviously needed it. How are you feeling after the sleep?
Strugglingmum
23-02-21, 10:38 PM
Tired, heading up for the night. Vaccine tomorrow so have to be up and moving. Have to be in the city for 9:20
Hope the vaccine is calm and easy for you lovely.
Hope today is brighter for you...
Strugglingmum
24-02-21, 11:12 AM
Vaccinated. A very brilliant, easy system at the hospital. Next dose booked as well.
That's a great result! Reassuring too. Have a good rest of the day.xx
Strugglingmum
24-02-21, 02:46 PM
What’s the technique? ;)
I may have boasted too soon!!
Katie pulled me off my feet this morning. I landed on the mud in front of an old black cocker and its equally older owner!
As we say in Norn Iron.......scundered!!
Stella180
24-02-21, 03:02 PM
(rofl) I’d be scundered too! At least it would’ve warmed you up.
More seriously though, you are spending way too much time on the floor lately and that is worrying. You’ve been walking since you were appropriate two years old so you’ve had plenty of practice. The occasional fall is one thing but it’s happening far too often. Are you wearing appropriate shoes with good grip? Is Katie to strong for you? Is she harnessed?
Strugglingmum
24-02-21, 04:22 PM
I'm fine.... just my pride hurt
Stella I always wear my walking boots.
Katie is strong and can pull equally in a harness or collar.
Today's event was purely down to biscuits and me taking my eye off the ball (Katie) for 2 seconds.
We were on the coastal path, I saw the lady and her cocker coming so put Katie back on the lead because she is excitable and thinks every dog she meets wants to be her friend.... this elderly cocker we have met a few times and does not have the patience for a boisterous Katie.
I stopped as the lady approached and stepped to the side of the path to let her pass with her dog. She then stopped and wanted to chat.....we have before. Meanwhile she is fussing in her pockets for a biccie for Katie and her own dog Bramble.
She gave Bramble a biscuit first as I was chatting to her, Katie dived to get hers, I wasnt expecting it so wasnt braced for the pull...... I literally landed at the woman's feet! Hope i dont meet her tomorrow (blush)
I love Katie desperately but some days.......... (rofl)
Oh for goodness sake!! You seem destined to be on all fours! No injuries I hope....I had a Golden Retriever like Katie...she was so strong at times especially when it came to sniffing out food...they're renowned gluttons! Try and remain on two feet today! Have a good one.xx
Oh bugger! How are you today lovely? Have you tried the halti style lead for Katie?
Or a canny collar? (It’s what we use for our two, recommended by the kennels)
Strugglingmum
25-02-21, 09:59 AM
I'm grand thanks Flo.
Over the years and with different mutts I have used every device known to man. At the end of the day she needs to learn not to pull and control herself. I have put a lot of training in (more to do) and yesterday was more my fault for not being aware of what Katie was eyeing up. She needs more socialization which I hope to be able to amend once lockdown is lifted.
It's an easy thing to slip your concentration for a minute or two - especially with extra friendly dogs - we have the same issue with Crash. He just thinks that anyone and everyone he meets (inside or out) is there for him lol
Opposite problem with Jax. Other than greyhounds, he hates every other dog. But Si is beginning to see results from training. It’s weird because he is the gentlest dog imaginable, but of course, with rescues, you don’t know what’s happened before...
Stella180
25-02-21, 11:55 AM
I had an incredible rescue dog called Bryn, he was a collie x GSD x Boxer (we think) and he was the kindest, gentlest dog. We had him when my nephews were young and the eldest was a softie while the younger one was more boisterous. when Bryn played with them he saved the rougher play for the youngest and was much calmer with the older one. He would stand watch over Robert when he cried as a baby and wouldn't leave his side until he stopped. Incredible dog and so sensitive but on a walk if he so much as saw another dog he turned into the devil's spawn. We were warned of his dislike of other dogs from the rescue. Apparently, when he first came to them he was fine with other dogs but over time I became totally antisocial with other dogs and had to be separated from every kennel mate they tried to put him with. he was like Jekyll and Hyde.
Strugglingmum
25-02-21, 12:06 PM
It's an easy thing to slip your concentration for a minute or two - especially with extra friendly dogs - we have the same issue with Crash. He just thinks that anyone and everyone he meets (inside or out) is there for him lol
Exactly Katie. Everyone is her friend and playmate in her head.
Strugglingmum
26-02-21, 09:05 AM
Tbh I'm not doing very well but more important how are you doing lovely Suzi?
Want to talk about it? (Btw, thank you for telling us that)
I'm so proud of you for being honest. Want to talk? (I'm resting today!)
Strugglingmum
26-02-21, 05:37 PM
Glad you are resting Suzi.
I've really nothing new to say, it's just all the usual.
I'm tired, not coping well with flashbacks and having to battle to do the daily stuff. Gritting the teeth and just hanging on
Are you looking after yourself?
Strugglingmum
26-02-21, 06:25 PM
Eating, drinking, meds, forcing myself out every day, sleeping and napping if needed. You know what it's like, when it's just weeks of it all being a chore, it wearies you down. I'm finding it hard to lift up. I've no motivation but I know you have to take action to get the motivation flowing so I'm trying, doing things in little stages task by task. It really is a grit the teeth and fight through to keep going.
Stella180
26-02-21, 06:33 PM
I know what you mean, it’s so hard but some how you manage to keep going and that is inspirational. I think you are fab. You achieve so much more than I do. You even fall over more than I do lol
Do you have any support if you need it love? Acknowledging you are finding things tough is so important.
Strugglingmum
26-02-21, 08:28 PM
I have psychology on Wednesday, my psychologist is a big support but I know that I do just need to keep fighting through... it's the old wading through treacle at the moment but at least I'm still trying to keep moving. For me I know that I need to keep doing the daily things because if i stop i only sink further. Eg if I cant be bothered reading my emails today, tomorrow it's even harder and overwhelming because there is so many etc
I've been learning so much on my WRAP course, it's not rocket science but it takes all the things we know and forms them together into a plan that helps you get well, stay well and how to cope when things are not so good.
If anyone gets offered a chance to do one I would reccomend.
You're doing amazingly, but it's also ok to stop and talk about what's going on in your head too love...
Morning, sweetie, what’s the plans for today?
Strugglingmum
27-02-21, 10:36 AM
We were up fairly early for a Saturday, normally A likes a lie-in after a week of work.
I've done a bit of laundry and boxed up an order. I'm up in the town to do the shopping and deliver the order. After that I'm not sure. At the moment it's a dry bright day here.
Hope you're having a good day lovely...
Strugglingmum
27-02-21, 03:17 PM
Housework!!
Strugglingmum
27-02-21, 03:51 PM
Hope is......buying theatre tickets for 2022!
What are you buying tickets to see?
Strugglingmum
27-02-21, 06:21 PM
Waitress, they are putting it on in Belfast, his time next year. I've bought 2 tickets....dont even know who I'm going with...dont care, I need a theatre trip(rofl)
Wakes is one Hazel and Fern love too
Don't think I've heard of Waitress! But it'll be something to look forward to.
Strugglingmum
28-02-21, 12:14 PM
Was up and on the beach early. Spent a couple of hours walking with Katie. Such a beautiful morning.
Came home in time for online church. Feeling a lot calmer today.
Sounds like a wonderful morning :)
That sounds like a great morning!
Butterfly
28-02-21, 07:12 PM
Glad to hear you're feeling calmer and that you had a lovely walk - that sounds like a good day xx Also, Waitress is an amazing musical (nod)
Glad you had a nice walk with Katie...it was a lovely day for walking so I did the same, but minus dog!x
Strugglingmum
01-03-21, 10:51 AM
Today I am more motivated.
I got up, did some yoga, washed, dressed, breakfast, tidied up and cleaned the kitchen and I've some blueberry muffins in the oven.
I am really trying to put into practice what I have learnt in my WRAP course. No point doing a course if you dont apply it.
Getting up with some purpose in mind does help.
Also I've been up for 3 hours and no flashback yet.
Stella180
01-03-21, 11:33 AM
Long may it last.
Well done lovely. It's so important to try to use what we learn. I know when I did my IMPACT course it was hard to use the acknowledge and accept what was there and to use the mindfulness and movements too. It started being really difficult, but I now use it all the time.
Strugglingmum
01-03-21, 01:14 PM
How are you doing Suzi? Healing?
OldMike
01-03-21, 02:22 PM
Blueberry muffins nom nom, It's good you feel more motivated.
How are you doing Suzi? Healing?
No infection so far which is great, dressing changed today. It's much bigger than I thought it was going to be, so it was a bit of a shock... Definitely taking it very, very, very easy so I don't undo the surgery!
Hope your day is going well lovely. You're amazing.
Strugglingmum
01-03-21, 04:11 PM
I'm so proud (and a little shocked) that you are looking after yourself (bear)
My day has been ok. Lots done, spent most of it with Io on the other side of the table, me crafting, her doing college work.
She laughed at one point and commented how our roles had changed. She's busy typing away on the laptop, me...... I'm busy with the Prittstick and cardboard(rofl)
I think that's wonderful! What a great way to spend the lockdown? Spending time together!
Strugglingmum
03-03-21, 10:52 AM
This week is definitely brighter than the last lot of weeks. I feel calmer and more together. I'm more productive and feel like I'm taking control.
Before I started the WRAP course I was sceptical and even after the first week I was still a bit unsure but applying it is helping me a lot.
Eg before I would have been slinking back into bed unmotivated and no desire to do much
Today I was up, got Io out, came home, straight into yoga, a shower, washed and blow dried my hair, breakfast and psychology appointment. I have a Masaman curry bubbling away for tonight's dinner and I have a plan for today that feels good and more importantly, achievable. I'm not boasting but just shocked at the difference it's making.
Applying the principles day in day out is helping to lift my mood as well.
We all know the saying, Its ok not to be ok...... I've had a bit added on the end,
It's ok not to be ok, but dont get stuck.
Its helping me to remember that each choice I make, no matter how I feel, will either help me fight or compound how I feel.
You're amazing! Well done lovely.
Massaman curry NOM!
It's so great that you're using what you've learnt to make a huge difference in your life.
How was psychology?
Strugglingmum
03-03-21, 11:29 AM
Psychology was ok. She is pleased with the progress I'm making and how better I am at fighting intrusive thoughts and not reacting to them the way I used to and trying to live in between the flashbacks etc and not let them rule every moment...... ie fight for the good in between. She thinks I sound more positive and is proud of decisions and choices that I've made recently or actions I've put in place to protect me and my mental health.
Actually she made me cry, I said something about 'I must be getting stronger'. She disagreed and said the strength was always there, that I am one of the strongest people she has met and that my strength and resilience is an inspiration to her. To have lived through what I had and be able to have built the life that I have and still care about others she thinks is rare and wonderful and shows such a strength of character.
For someone who sees themselves as weak and not much good it really blew my mind.
The big difference is I accepted it, I didnt question if she was just being nice or trying to encourage me, I just accepted it.
She's not wrong. You are an incredibly strong person. You see yourself as weak and not much good? Thing is that's the polar opposite of how I see you! You are strong, powerful, independent, hard working, kind, sweet, full of faith, full of love and a wonderful person to have come into my life! I mean every word... I'm struggling to see how you could ever think of you as weak or not good? Honestly, you have come through some horrific things and you've created a wonderful family with love and strength and laughter together. You're an awesome Mum and you volunteer and you've instilled the idea of volunteering in your children. You're amazing.
We’ve said it before, love. YOU ARE A WARRIOR!
Strugglingmum
03-03-21, 02:09 PM
Thank you both that means alot
We're just calling it as we see it ;)
Butterfly
03-03-21, 03:26 PM
Glad to hear that this week has been brighter for you (panda) Well done on getting so much done, now you deserve a relaxed evening! Your dinner choice sounds YUMMY!
Well done on going to see your psychologist too and whilst I don't know her or you in person you truly seem like such a strong person - remember it's important to take step my step, you're doing so amazing (nod)
You're a 'doer' and a survivor SM and you're doing extremely well. If everyone here can survive this lockdown practically unscathed - so far anyway - then think of the wonderful things to come when we're all allowed out to play again! It'll be magic.
Strugglingmum
04-03-21, 02:51 PM
I'm doing ok thanks Suzi.
Following my plan and getting things done.
Moment by moment. I had a really bad flashback this morning that upset me a lot but I've been able to move on, deal with the intrusive thoughts that it leaves and make healthy decisions on how I cope and move past it. Am I still a bit shaky? Yes but focussing on right now, it's not happening now and right now I'm safe and loved
Strugglingmum
04-03-21, 05:17 PM
Ended up taking a nap. I needed a recharge. It's taken me out of what I had planned to be doing and cook for dinner but that's ok I can be flexible....and I really needed the nap
I'm so proud of you for being kind to you. That's so much different to something you would have posted a while ago.
I'm glad you had a nap...your mental wellbeing comes first. I expect dinner was still lovely!(bear)
How are you love? Whatcha up to today?
Strugglingmum
05-03-21, 02:47 PM
One of our best friends died this morning. We knew it was coming and she was very peaceful in the hospice. I found out earlier but have had to break the news to A now that he's home from work. I was managing to hold it together until I had to say it out loud.
Oh,love, I’m so so, sorry (panda)
Oh hunni, I'm so sorry. There just aren't words. Just know that we're all thinking of you....
Jaquaia
05-03-21, 04:31 PM
I'm so sorry. Thinking of you (panda)
What very sad news for you both. I'm so sorry.(bear)
Butterfly
06-03-21, 01:36 PM
That's such sad news, thinking of you all and sending so much love (panda)
OldMike
06-03-21, 02:19 PM
(bear) (panda)
How are you doing lovely?
Strugglingmum
06-03-21, 07:09 PM
We are doing ok. A bit subdued but as I said, we knew it was coming and that time was very short. I think it's harder because we cant all gather together and have a wake or even go to her funeral. I really feel for her husband on his own, they have no children and she had no living siblings. Thankfully he has a brother that he is close to but as friends we all want to look after him but cant. I guess we are experiencing what a lot of other families have been going through since Covid.
Doesn’t make it any easier, though...
Definitely doesn't make it easier. Sweetheart will her funeral be online? My Aunts was and it meant we could all go no matter where we all were...
Have some love and hugs hunni.. (bear) (panda). If there's anything we can do.
Strugglingmum
07-03-21, 03:27 PM
Yes her funeral will be online on Wednesday.
A is struggling quite a lot with it all at the moment.
We just went for a walk over the golf course...A wanted to make sure it was still there (rofl). We have a 5 step plan for exiting lockdown but no dates attached to it. We still dont really know when things will be changing any but p1-p3 are back to school tomorrow.
Are you both talking? Sharing how you are feeling with each other will really help.
So, the golf course was still there then?
How are YOU doing with it all love?
Strugglingmum
07-03-21, 07:35 PM
Yes we are talking. We both enjoyed the fresh air today. We left the dog at home and enjoyed just the 2 of us. A did most of the talking, he seems a lot better this evening.
I'm ok. I'm sticking to my daily plan and using my yoga etc to help me breathe and stay grounded and calm.
I'm so glad you're both talking, it's so important.
Well done for using your tools to help you. You're doing so well love.
Strugglingmum
08-03-21, 12:15 PM
I feel so tired today.... and I got a lie-in till 7:30
However I'm up, yoga done, took Io to Orthodontist and have most of the ironing done. I've a pot of soup on too but I'm ready to sleep!
Wow, you've done loads! Any chance of resting/pacing this afternoon?
How are things love?...hope you feel more refreshed today. It shouldn't be too long before the pools are open again.....the hairdressers too! Whoopie!
I was wondering how you were too love...
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