ophelia's room TRIGGERS

[ophelia]

Is it cbt? Or a different type of therapy?

yeah.

CBT

[S deleted]

Ok let me tell you a story I’ve shared before so for those who have heard it before I apologise and will try to keep it brief.

Without boring you with the background early in 2013 I’d convinced myself that I was more of a burden to those I loved than a blessing and I was ready to end my life not just to end my own pain but to prevent the further suffering of those around me. I was minutes away from doing the deed when I received a text from a relative stranger at that time showing concern and that was all it took to change my mind. Someone I barely knew reached out to me at a crucial time and if she cared then maybe I was wrong in thinking the world was better off without me. Anyway I didn’t follow through with my plan obviously as I’m still here today. Now fast forward 12 months or so, and I’m chatting on fb messenger with a lass I knew through our joint hobby. She was a mum who had recently had a baby and relationship issues etc. and I just shared my experiences and chatted with her. Just being friendly really. Never really thought anything of that conversation until later when I learned that this woman was ready to end her life and talking to me changed her mind. I’ve no idea exactly what I said but it meant something to her. That got me thinking. If I hadn’t received that random text messages at the moment I did, I wouldn’t have been there to have that conversation which prevented her from ending her life.

The moral of this story.....yeah life may be crap and seem like it ain’t worth living but each of us are put on this Earth for a reason. We may not understand why we are here or why we have to suffer the way we do, we may never know what our purpose is but the smallest act can have the biggest impact on the people around us and to cut our lives short could have consequences further down the line. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy but tomorrow you could change the lives of others by the simplest act, opening a door for someone, giving up your seat on the bus, or saying good morning to a passerby. It may mean nothing to you but to others it could be a lifeline.

[Suzi]

Completely agree.

[ophelia]

I cut my arm today.

nothing major just a little blood...

and yes, self harm- I didn't cut it on furniture or anything

[Paula]

Is it clean and dressed?

[Suzi]

Do you want to talk about why?

[ophelia]

Do you want to talk about why?

their's not really an individual reason, I don't think.

I've been doing it a lot since the age of 9, I started it because of the abuse I was getting from family, then as I got older, I realised their was more reasons for me to do it.

" I deserve it", or " this is a release and it works,", or " I hate my body anyway, does it matter if their's scars on it?", etc etc

I have atemted multiple times, and once when I got really close and it still failed, I did it because it failed, and I really hoped it wouldn't.

I've tried alternatives... the elastic on the wrist, the drawing my emotions, etc etc,

but I do it for the blood- not the pain, so none of those things really helped me

1 of my friends suggested trying something to simulate blood, like water, or juice, but then I got in to the habbit of infecting the wounds, so..

[Suzi]

One of our members has drawn on herself using red pen before, have you tried that?

[ophelia]

One of our members has drawn on herself using red pen before, have you tried that?

no.. what a good idea

I might try that

[Suzi]

It's not my idea, but one of our members here. It has helped them in the past.