Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*

[SA89]

Hey guys, I shouldn't be writing this on christmas day but what the hell. Some of my family seem to have it in for me.. My uncle constantly takes the out of me that I'm 27 & not doing anything with my life.

Today he flat out dismissed my recent tutoring experience with a child as irrelevant . My cousin & mums friend also make remarks to me. Then theres my horrible brother who I've not spoken to for weeks.

As u can imagine this made me feel worthless sitting at the christmas table. There's people that really like me that can see I have a good heart & a sense of humour. I know there's so many out there who feels like me right now; depressed, lonely & unconventional.

Apparently this time of year see's more mental health referals than any other period. That's no coincidence given the pressure to 'put on a show' so to speak. Anyway Merry Christmas to whoever reads this. Ur not alone, trust me, I've been suffering inside for years ..

[SA89]

Sick to death of these f***** low life dirtbags that brag about sex & take drugs. This is why I'm a recluse because the estate I'm from is full of these d***heads that act like 'thugs' & can't hold a decent conversation . My brother idolises these parasites. He really is an awful person to live with. Its no wonder I feel worthless. I want to be around people the kind I met at a school for Autism.

[Mira]

I might be wrong here, but how about trying to go somewhere where people are more open and friendly. I can think of a lot of places I could go that would be massive triggers for me or where people are rude in general. How about trying the opposite?

Because you seem to me like a person that wants and might need it very much.

Not hang around the people that are that way would be a good start.

[Paula]

Welf's right, you need to be around positive people and, though it may not feel it, there are more good than bad ..... how is the ABA role going?

[Suzi]

I'm sorry, I don't know why, but I missed your post on Christmas Day. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that people can't see past the initial issues and see that you are a good person, but you are poorly.
Have you applied to local special schools? I know that when I was teaching in a couple we were desperate for other people to come in and interact - even just as kind of playground lunch volunteers etc? It might mean a bit of a journey, but it also might be what you need?

[SA89]

Not hang around the people that are that way would be a good start.

Ye I don't hang with those people as such, theyre just in my house often with my brother. It was an eye opener being at the school because ive never been in such a positive environment.

how is the ABA role going

It went well, I did 12 weeks tutoring a child with Autism. At the start it was tricky to grab my childs attention but he built up trust with me & opened up more. I taught him functional skills, gestural communication, picture exchange communication. Got a certificate after it, I felt a bit sad at the end when it was finished. I gave my child a hug & that was that. The school awarded me most improved tutor 1 week out of the whole school .

I'm sorry that people can't see past the initial issues and see that you are a good person, but you are poorly.
Have you applied to local special schools? I know that when I was teaching in a couple we were desperate for other people to come in and interact - even just as kind of playground lunch volunteers etc? It might mean a bit of a journey, but it also might be what you need?

I've applied to a few but no joy. Its something I'm interested in though & my tutoring reinforced that. Its challenging but rewarding when u see a child smiling back at u & comin to u when they need something.

Its frustrating caus I'm pushed to attend a work programme weekly to recieve any income. They're tryin to force me into jobs that I have no interest in like factory work. I made it clear I dont eant want to do that but they threaten to sanction u if u don't oblige. Its very demoralising ..

[Suzi]

I know all about how frustrating the system can be... Keep calling and looking on all the local sites.. What about calling the school you did your training in?

[SA89]

I know all about how frustrating the system can be... Keep calling and looking on all the local sites.. What about calling the school you did your training in?

Well I had an interview today at a healthcare centre for autism & I came out of it thinkin 'Wouldn't it be great if I ceased to exist..' I conveyed my ABA tutoring experience to them but I was extremely anxious & presented my answers poorly.

I got the impression they didn't think I'd cope with the healthcare side of it. They said they'll send me a letter lettin me know. Typical really, no one ever gives me a chance. I'm a lonely waste of space. My mind is beyond repair. I may as well die & be done with it .

[Paula]

First, don't assume it went badly, you just never know. Second, well done for going, that's a huge deal and you should be proud of yourself . Third, have you ever had any interview training? It might help, particularly with the nerves.

[Suzi]

Paula's completely right! You don't know that!