I went to the doctors and told him I get panicked every night because the shops are shutting. He asked me if I thought that was normal. And I answered 'No, I don't think that's normal, I don't want these thoughts, that's why I am telling you about it'.
Are the thoughts you describe above unwanted thoughts (like the ones I had about the shops shutting) or thoughts that you welcome?
Did you increase your ADs recently?
I'm just usin analogies to express how much they annoy me, I'm not a psychopath or anythin, my hatred is laced with envy & shame of my own social failings. Being alone all ur life does that to uOriginally Posted by Suzi
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Is it an analogy, or does thinking about couples actually make you want to harm yourself?
Just an analogy, I like to freely express my frustration because I feel even worse bottlin it. I've never thought about self-harm ever, my anxiety & fear of death/pain forbids from such thoughts. They're unwanted thoughts because like I said I don't hate people because I'm a person myself. I hate people together. They have somethin I'm desperate to experience in life, yet hopeless in my efforts. I told my doc recently to continue on Setraline 100mg for a while.
Why did you decide to stay on that dose rather than increase?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Because I increased them initially from 50 to 100mg & I've tried various ADs. Every single 1 of them feels the same to me. They work in the background & make u less tearful (although I still cry sometimes). I'm still really depressed but pills alone won't resolve my isolation, engaging in the community will which is what I'm tryin to work on. I need to explore my extrovert side, its the only way I can progress my emotions.
Its hard to keep goin when u hear other people around u becomin managers & gettin married..I'm slowly tryin to work on myself (by attendin voluntary opportunities etc) but when I hear news like this it sends me plummetin back down. I'm such a loser in comparison & thats the truth because what have I got goin for me..
I keep coming back to this, sorry, but you're only 25! You're expecting to have everything now but adult life doesn't just get handed over on a plate when you leave school/college/uni. You have to work for it - my hubby didn't get into a managerial position til his mid 30s and I became to Ill to work again before I got there - my plans, my career path were all destroyed by depression. Not everybody gets that career path or even wants it.
Wrt couples, I made a mistake in my teens so by the time I was your age, I was divorced and a single mum of a baby. Can you imagine how hard that was? I was working full time to keep a roof over my baby's head. Yes, I'm in a good relationship now, but I suffered to get there yet everyone thought I was coping. Not everything you see is reality, and perfection in relationships is impossible.
So, you hate me because I'm in a couple. Honestly? It doesn't bother me in the slightest. What does bother me is how much hatred you carry around in you. That will destroy you, eventually, and will eventually become visibly obvious to people around you.
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
I'm with Paula, it's the hatred within you which I find so concerning. Nothing is going to change unless you do it yourself. You can do it, but you have to work at it.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I don't hate u at all Paula, I just hate seein people all loved up because I've never had that in life. I respect all of u guys on here for what ur doin in the mental health community. When ur lonely u have a warped perspective on everythin around u. It hurts that I've made no progress whatsoever in the 5+ years at my dead end job. Ur right I need to work some direction, its hard though when u've been a reclusive loner all ur life feelin miserable 24/7.
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