Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*

[Paula]

You don't have to explain the sheer despair of depression, everyone here gets that. It does help to talk, properly, about how you're feeling, however. In my 20's, most of my friends were work friends - and transitional at best. My true 'circle of friends' have been built up through my 30s - and they're the ones I trust completely. It's from that age onwards that we learn what is really important in friendship. So don't fret.

I don't think think I've ever discounted a man because of his height, build, looks. What has always mattered to me is personality, kindness, and someone who can make me laugh. It's doesn't matter how tall the man is who's rushing you to A&E after a fall, just that they're prepared to be the one to get you there.

[Suzi]

Pass me a medal as I read your whole post too Seriously, your height isn't going to be the be all and end all - people fall in love with people for far more than their looks. My husband fell in love with me (overweight, loads of medical issues etc) and I fell in love with him (no hair due to alopecia universalis , depression, other factors)and we've been together for 15 1/2 years - he's also not that tall...

[SA89]

I'm slim though as well as being short which doesn't help. I just never seem to put on weight & I eat a lot. Combine that with a big nose & social anxiety & walla! u have low esteem . I ain't ugly despite these factors but these insecurities have certainly kept me in a shell all these years. People don't realise how mentally exhaustin it is tryin to improve urself socially & fit in when ur a recluse & have no friends. Especially so with depression.

I feel detached from everythin. Being around people does nothin for me & when I reach out to engage I'm left with awkwardness. 25 years of feelin worthless.. I'm extremely emotionally imbalanced & it blocks any feeling I conjur up from deep within ..

[Samantha340]

I know what you mean and don't really have an advice, only thing we can do is learning to accept the way we are.

[Suzi]

Have you ever had specific therapy for this?

[SA89]

ye I'm on my 6th session. I've started workin out a bit 1ce a week & I bought a lovely 50' tele today. I've also been given a bit more responsibility at my voluntary which will benefit my CV. None of this eases the loneliness though. The only way to ease this intense despair is to engage with people & i've struggled with that for 25 years. I'm gd at bein civil but thts not enough. I'm sick of seein every1 else happy but me, I want some of that happiness! .

I feel imprisoned within my self, desperate to be free. Its mentally exhaustin.. Sortin a career out is at the forefront of my mind thats y I seclude myself. I feel ashamed to even bother socialisin knowin I'm doin absolutely nothin with my life ..

[Suzi]

Are you doing anything social which means you get to meet other people?

[SA89]

Other than work & voluntary no. I get on with people at work & 'banter' but I don't hang out with them 'caus I'm not in their circle, thats always been the case. I'm not socially savvy like that. Every1 seems to always have plans; weddings, halloween parties etc. If I just had like a little circle thn I don't think my social anxiety would be as bad. Because thats a foundation to build upon. I talk perfectly fine to people, I'm just ridiculously timid .

Anyway.. I've got a voluntary meeting soon, thts a chance to mingle I guess. I've had 5 counsellors & 3 types of meds & I'm still friend-less. I don't really class workmates as friends. A friend is some1 u hang out with .

[Paula]

Why do you think you're not in their circle? Is it because of their attitude or is it because you pull back? If there's an office do, do you go, for instance? Do you chat around the coffee machine?

[Suzi]

I do wonder too why you instantly think you aren't in the same circle..