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Thread: Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*

  1. #1201
    Mira
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    Hey there, i know what you mean. I have been away for a while from the forum too. And I can understand why not making any progress might make you feel that you should not be here.

    I understand. But I dont agree. We are all human and if we like it or not. We are not meant to be alone (trust me. I keep trying this).

    You are a part of this forum as much as the next person. And life is not a race. We walk it in our own pace. Some people achieved great things early on others later in life. It does not matter. I read that a woman got a college degree at 80. Its all awesome.

    I have gotten worse over the last few years. Not even the same. But with one change. I opened my mind up to outside help. Even if i thought that will not work. Or how do they know me? I went through. I am not where I want to be. But for the first time in my adult life I feel that I am getting there. Not now. Not tomorrow. But one day. And that helps.

    I still have way to many dark days. But I am grateful to be here. On this forum. Meeting people.

    And I am glad you posted again.

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  3. #1202
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi hunni.
    Staying away from the forum doesn't seem to be helping, so you might as well keep coming back to see if it does help when you can talk things through a bit more!
    Have you not thought of trying different meds?
    Can you try to get up each day, shower and get dressed and go and sit with your Mum for a while?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  5. #1203
    SA89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mira View Post
    Hey there, i know what you mean. I have been away for a while from the forum too. And I can understand why not making any progress might make you feel that you should not be here.

    I understand. But I dont agree. We are all human and if we like it or not. We are not meant to be alone (trust me. I keep trying this).

    You are a part of this forum as much as the next person. And life is not a race. We walk it in our own pace. Some people achieved great things early on others later in life. It does not matter. I read that a woman got a college degree at 80. Its all awesome.

    I have gotten worse over the last few years. Not even the same. But with one change. I opened my mind up to outside help. Even if i thought that will not work. Or how do they know me? I went through. I am not where I want to be. But for the first time in my adult life I feel that I am getting there. Not now. Not tomorrow. But one day. And that helps.

    I still have way to many dark days. But I am grateful to be here. On this forum. Meeting people.

    And I am glad you posted again.
    Thank you Mira, I can relate to everything you said . I attended 3 interviews this week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday) and gave a good account of myself. I'm very good at articulating myself but I stumbled slightly on the 3rd interview with a few questions. I didn't sleep either but pushed myself to attend all 3. I've also took the initiative to put myself forward for a few meetup hangouts. Its with a group from the meetup app and they arrange outings on a weekly basis. This Saturday I'm penciled in for games & lunch from 2-5. They arrange things like comedy clubs, pub quiz', bars etc. It'll be surreal because not only are they strangers but they're around 20+ years older than me. But I'm going regardless & I've also applied for lots of voluntary as I'd like to get back into it. I hope this has given you food for thought to maybe try yourself? .

    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Hi hunni.
    Staying away from the forum doesn't seem to be helping, so you might as well keep coming back to see if it does help when you can talk things through a bit more!
    Have you not thought of trying different meds?
    Can you try to get up each day, shower and get dressed and go and sit with your Mum for a while?
    I feel marginally better when I've been out in the sun to appointments like I've done this week. Even if it's a brief respite from my room it's a positive step in the right direction. Right now I feel a bit more hopeful but I need to connect that hope with tangible results (ie social outings, some form of work routine), otherwise I'll fall back down into that pit of despair which I've done time & time again. I'm sure we can all relate to that . That's the tricky part that I've always struggled with, finding a routine and sustaining it. Despite my relative progress this week I still feel "emotionless". How do you rekindle a bright spark that's long since been burnt out?. Please don't tell me pills are the answer ..
    Last edited by SA89; 10-04-19 at 10:27 PM.

  6. #1204
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Why are you going out with people 20+ years older than you?
    I'm not going to tell you that "pills are the answer" because you know as well as I do that actually the only way you're going to get out of this is to force yourself up every morning, shower, get dressed, get out of your room and to do something - what about an online free course? What about a course near you? What about a college course? Something different?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  8. #1205
    SA89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Why are you going out with people 20+ years older than you?
    I'm not going to tell you that "pills are the answer" because you know as well as I do that actually the only way you're going to get out of this is to force yourself up every morning, shower, get dressed, get out of your room and to do something - what about an online free course? What about a course near you? What about a college course? Something different?
    It's the only meetup group that's in Bolton on the app. I'm looking forward to it as I don't go out at all so it'd be nice even for just a few hours. Funny enough, a few people I grew up with got in touch on facebook saying how it's been so long & they fancy a catch up. But I wouldn't feel comfortable at all because they all have amazing lives with a family and a beautiful wife or girlfriend.

    What have I got to show?. Absolutely nothing. The question would inevitably pop up "so what have u been doin all these years, are u still in ur room a lot? do u have a girlfriend yet?". The answer to that would be "yes & I've been suffering with depression and I'm still a worrier as I've always been but I got into support work recently". I feel shame and it hurts even more to see others with significantly better lives than me. I missed out on the social and emotional development that most people have had throughout their teens & 20's. Oh & I received a job rejection today because I wasn't "clear in some of my examples". I'm going to sink again I just know it. Btw I hope I didn't come across as rude when I said pills ain't the answer. I intended it to be said in a jokingly sarcastic kind of way .

  9. #1206
    Queen of Crafting magie06's Avatar
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    Try not to compare yourself with others. Most of what is said on-line is just a 'version' of the truth. No one knows what goes on behind the screen, and what may seem like a very happy relationship, could be the complete opposite. Try not to take everything at face value.

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  11. #1207
    Mira
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    Magie is right. And when I meet people my age who all are married and have kids and live the dream they complain too. Nobody is living the perfect life. So when they meet you even they might be happy to be doing something else. And just hang out.

    When you talk to people about getting a job rejection and talk about it in a normal way they might even offer tips. Because we all had job rejections. When you get an invite by someone they are not sending it to make fun of you. Or look down on you. People that are that way would not even take the time to send you an invite. The people that do want to see you and talk with you. And laugh with you. Not at you.

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  13. #1208
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    You want to look at my life for example.... From the outside I am married, I have 3 amazing children, a lovely house in a great area with a really large garden, my car that I love, 3 dogs....... What you don't see is how much I struggle with my mobility, the fact that there are days when I'm sobbing because my hands hurt or when I move my neck and I stop and wriggle my fingers and toes to make sure I can still move them, the fact that I hope and pray I've lost weight each week, that I have to use mindfulness as a habit and way of life just to be able to move. The fact that it takes me around 30 mins a week to sort out the meds that I take by the handful 4 times a day. You don't see that there are days when I'm having to take Marc his meds in bed because he can't get up, that there are hours when I just sit and listen to him or H, that I'm terrified about B going off to uni because of his Aspies and I can be there to help...
    What I'm trying to say is that yes on the outside I have everything, on the inside that's not quite how things are - don't assume because you don't know.... It's actually a massive achievement that you have actually tried fighting this for so long....
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  15. #1209
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Sweetie, even when I was in a psychiatric hospital, staff often didn’t realise I was a patient because I was always clean and nicely dressed. I had a great husband (who visited me every day) and 2 gorgeous, well adjusted daughters. And yet I was ill enough to need to be a patient. I haven’t been able to work for almost 12 years because I’m so ill yet anyone meeting me is unlikely to see the anxiety, the pain etc etc. What I’m trying to say is that it’s rare that anyone shows the crap, we all want people to think our lives are perfect. Don’t believe all you see on Facebook ...
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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  17. #1210
    Queen of Crafting magie06's Avatar
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    If you are worried about other people being 'more ahead' than you are, then don't! Don't forget that Richard Branson was a good age when he set up Virgin airlines, Morgan Freeman was in his 50's before he was discovered. There are loads more examples out there, of people who didn't follow the 'normal' time lines!
    Why blend in when you were made to stand out?!

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