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Thread: Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*

  1. #1041
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Have a fab weekend, hunni
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  2. #1042
    SA89
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    Well its all kicked off & I've been threatened to have my throat slit with a knife. I really don't wanna exist anymore, I don't feel safe at all around this person ..

    You were right Suzi, it really isn't worth the trouble, I should have thought with my head & not the other head. She instigated this & not once did I ask to go for a drink with her. I always asked her to bring her friends. She came onto to me & kissed me when she was drunk & it didn't go further. I told him straight up & now he's gone psycho as usual. I didn't back down, I was screamin "YEAH UR A COWARD CAUS U ALWAYS HAVE TO RELY ON A WEAPON". I'm disgusted how my mum was in between me & him to break it up.

    I'm not goin for a drink again with his ex, nothings worth this, not even sexual frustration. I was wrong but to threaten someone by sayin " ill find u & slit ur throat" is vile when I only went for a drink. I stayed at my mums friends last night with my mum because we dont feel safe in our own house. I'm dreadin goin home & my mums scared as well, its not right ..
    Last edited by SA89; 29-07-17 at 03:38 PM.

  3. #1043
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry this has happened. As you say, it's probably best you stay away from this girl although I can understand how difficult it must be to have your social life dictated to you by your brother.

    Have you and your mum spoken to the Police about these threats - if you're both scared he could attack you, he really needs to be stopped somehow ....
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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  5. #1044
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Definitely get to the police and tell them what's happened. This is not right in any shape or form.
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  7. #1045
    SA89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paula View Post
    I'm so sorry this has happened. As you say, it's probably best you stay away from this girl although I can understand how difficult it must be to have your social life dictated to you by your brother.

    Have you and your mum spoken to the Police about these threats - if you're both scared he could attack you, he really needs to be stopped somehow ....
    I've said to her if he ever pulls a knife like he did a while ago then the police have to get involved. My mum would be hesistant though because he's her son & he's said how he hates "grasses". On Friday he voiced these threats explicitly so I went & stayed at a flat for the weekend with my mum & her friends.

    Now I'm back home & it's like everythin is brushed under the rug again with him swannin about smokin weed. He really is the most vile person you could wish to meet. It was nice to get away from this environment for a bit & I went to the local pub as well without a drop of alcohol which I'm quite proud of (gets me very emotional ). I still feel like my depression isn't lifting & thats because my situation remains stagnant despite recent progress.

    It's even worse when people tell me how decent & good lookin I am because it reminds me how inept I've been socially & lacking independence. I'm slowly waking up to this & trying to break free somehow. I also need to stop thinkin that having a girlfriend will solve all my insecurities ..

  8. #1046
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    I know it's hard to see when you're in the middle of it all, but that post has so many positives and shows how far you've already come in so many ways
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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  10. #1047
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I am so proud of you reading that post! I know you're struggling a bit atm, but I wanted to also say that you are sounding so much more mature and completely different than you have done in the past. You aren't blaming everyone and everything else for the way that you are feeling - you have acknowledged that your situation isn't great, but you are trying to do things to change it. That's huge.
    The fact you are staying to protect your Mum is completely admirable and I think it's so lovely - but really your brother sounds completely out of control and sounds like he could do with some professional help.

    I also wanted to say that I've noticed you venturing out of your thread and posting on others recently, with really good, kind and caring comments. Just wanted you to know that I've noticed and it's so lovely to see. You really have changed and it's lovely..
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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  12. #1048
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    It seems to me like you are one sort of person inside, living in a world that expects you to be another kind of person. I think if you change your life, whether that involves changes to one or all of the following: where you live, where you work, your friends, family, your hobbies, where you go out, or if you go out drinking at all.. then you will have a chance to be who you really are. You might need professional support to deal with the self esteem issues, but you could lose a lot of the stress and negative reinforcement by just doing something else completely. Sorry if I am repeating myself a bit from what I have said before. Your environment is toxic for you. There is nothing wrong with you apart from how you feel about yourself.. but feeling like that keeps you doing things that reflect badly on you, like kissing the wrong girl etc. and this just reinforces the bad way you feel. Same with the drinking.

    I would say just stop doing the things that you know are bad for you. Start doing something that are different. Sport club instead of night club.. for example. There will be a difficult inbetween period where you won't know if you will ever make a new social circle.. but it will slowly grow and you will be able to make a fresh start and act the way you want to instead of dealing with the bull that you have around you now. You can be yourself.

    It is really cheesy and probably kinda annoying to read, but a therapist said it to me once: If you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always had. Time to switch it up. For those things you want for yourself.. you can have them

    Not sure what the situation with your brother and mum needs.. probably he should be kicked out. But if that is not possible, maybe you two could move house. Maybe you could live on your own. All I know is I read your posts and I think you gotta change it all. Get some control back over the basic things in your life and see a therapist for the internal things you can't change alone.

    (Do ignore me if my advice doesn't help, it is a bit strong I know, it is just my opinion and I was hoping it would help.)

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  14. #1049
    SA89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amaya View Post
    It seems to me like you are one sort of person inside, living in a world that expects you to be another kind of person. I think if you change your life, whether that involves changes to one or all of the following: where you live, where you work, your friends, family, your hobbies, where you go out, or if you go out drinking at all.. then you will have a chance to be who you really are. You might need professional support to deal with the self esteem issues, but you could lose a lot of the stress and negative reinforcement by just doing something else completely.

    I would say just stop doing the things that you know are bad for you. Start doing something that are different. Sport club instead of night club.. for example. There will be a difficult inbetween period where you won't know if you will ever make a new social circle.. but it will slowly grow and you will be able to make a fresh start and act the way you want to instead of dealing with the bull that you have around you now. You can be yourself.

    It is really cheesy and probably kinda annoying to read, but a therapist said it to me once: If you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always had. Time to switch it up. For those things you want for yourself.. you can have them

    Not sure what the situation with your brother and mum needs.. probably he should be kicked out. But if that is not possible, maybe you two could move house. Maybe you could live on your own. All I know is I read your posts and I think you gotta change it all. Get some control back over the basic things in your life and see a therapist for the internal things you can't change alone.

    (Do ignore me if my advice doesn't help, it is a bit strong I know, it is just my opinion and I was hoping it would help.)
    Hey Amaya, this is great advice & I want you to know that it's appreciated, I even go back & read these posts from time to time. Anyway your spot on with what you said & it's interesting that I felt really positive a few weeks ago by simply being more active socially. I was attending barbecues, pubs & went camping for 3 days. Now I seemed to have crashed again back into my routine of sleeping till 5pm & it's f***** me up. My depression & anxiety have been pretty bad these past few days because I'm once again in a pit of uncertainty. I'll still see those people who I went camping with but it's not a frequent thing as they have their own lives & the girl I went out with last week well, that's mentioned above..

    A lot of people with anxiety are "stars that can't shine". I'm seeing a counselor weekly so that's somethin because I've been cold turkey off anti-depressants for about a month or so now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    I am so proud of you reading that post! I know you're struggling a bit atm, but I wanted to also say that you are sounding so much more mature and completely different than you have done in the past. You aren't blaming everyone and everything else for the way that you are feeling - you have acknowledged that your situation isn't great, but you are trying to do things to change it. That's huge.
    The fact you are staying to protect your Mum is completely admirable and I think it's so lovely - but really your brother sounds completely out of control and sounds like he could do with some professional help.

    I also wanted to say that I've noticed you venturing out of your thread and posting on others recently, with really good, kind and caring comments. Just wanted you to know that I've noticed and it's so lovely to see. You really have changed and it's lovely..
    Thanks that means a lot. I wish I could say I've changed but I feel like I need to validate it first by getting a job or a girlfriend or a car first. That's just how my f***** up anxious mind works .. I'm forever in a bubble of uncertainty because I have nothing concrete like everyone else has like a happy relationship or whatever. I'm often belittled for not having a job or a girlfriend so if I can improve in those areas maybe my depression will lift somewhat.

  15. #1050
    SA89
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    By the way I really envy most people because most people in life don't have to deal with depression. They get "fed up" that's it over a relationship break up or whatever. Imagine if we moaned about our depression the way they do about their trivial break ups. Oh what I'd give to just be "fed up" like most people & not suffer with this despair every waking day.

    Most people go through life just being "fed" up nothing more which is temporary. To deal with depression & anxiety every single day of your life is incomprehensible. It stays with us simmering under the surface. It's an epidemic in society yet there's still a massive stigma. I'm just grateful that I have this forum as a solitude (I even said this to my counselor) because out there in the real world my depression is hidden under a mask of shame ..

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