Help, I'm being bullied

[MD459]

I live with an extremely annoying roommate. She is excessively (and I mean fully excessively, I've never seen anything like it) hyperactive and annoying. She spends a lot of time watching stupid YouTube videos or listening to awful grime music on full volume and it really annoys me. I ask her questions about how she perceives me and what she responds with really upsets me. According to her I'm short and fat, stupid, feminine, extremely loud, extremely extroverted, ugly, and with a high-pitched voice. This is the opposite of how I want to be perceived - I want others to perceive me as tall and thin, intelligent, masculine, quiet, introverted, physically attractive, and with a deep-pitched voice. As a result I have low self-esteem. I depend on other people's opinions and validation too much and I don't think it's healthy. Does she really perceive me to be like that or is she saying that to get a reaction?

[Strugglingmum]

Hi there and welcome to dwd.
It sounds like you are struggling with your living conditions. Is there any way you can change them?
I can't say whether your roommate is right or wrong with her assessment as I dont know either of you however, if she is someone who annoys you so much I wouldn't be interested in her opinion. Get out, join clubs, meet other people who can be a positive influence in your life and accept you for who you are.
Everyone's perception is different. Find friends who lift you up so much that other people's opinions dont matter.

[OldMike]

As someone who listens and watches lots of YouTube music videos I can understand how annoying at can be.

I think your flatmate has a problem if she calls you all those things maybe she is putting you down because she feels inferior but then I'm no psychologist and may be reading things wrong.

SMum is right join clubs meet other people and ignore all she says.

[SJW180]

Hey there, welcome to the forum. I have questions. Lots of them and I’m sorry if it’s a bit overwhelming but I just wanna get to know you and the situation a bit better.
How old are you? How long have you been roommates? How did you get thrown together with that person? Is there anything you have in common?

You say you want to be the opposite of what she describes but some of those things can’t be changed for example your height and the tone of your voice. Those things don’t define you either. I think the most important thing is how you genuinely see yourself, and learning to accept who you are. Maybe there are things you need to change to help with your self confidence but it can’t happen overnight. I have similar issues with my self esteem and thought I was doing really well with improving that before I had a huge set back a while ago. Confidence is such a fragile thing.

[Paula]

Hi and welcome

You’re right, it’s not healthy to depend on other people’s opinions and validations. What’s important is to learn to value yourself for exactly the person you are - not others subjective opinions, or a fantasy version of yourself, but for the wonderful, unique human being you really are.

Have you thought about counselling to help you deal with your confidence issues?