I really hate having a trigger warning attached to my normal threads as just seeing the words make me feel like a failure, that I’m more vulnerable than I care to admit and in this case it’s not me that is the focus of the problem.
My “friend” who got himself in trouble with the police has pushed my buttons one too many times and Thursday I decided to cuts ties with him which hasn’t been an easy decision and I feel bad in a way but at the same time I couldn’t allow him to use threats to harm himself to get his own way anymore.
It’s only a couple of months ago that I found myself in hospital over I took a large overdose when I felt like I could no longer cope with the shitshow that is my life and yes I admit I still find myself fighting those thoughts regularly.
When I got a call from the police asking if I could help out a mate for a short while I said yes. They didn’t give me all the information regarding the fact he has been charged with a serious crime and a short while was actually 3-6 months! Anyway on the third day of his stay he went off the rails, smashed his way into the flat he had shared with his wife. On that day he told her he was suicidal, he told police he was suicidal and when he got back to mine he told me he was suicidal. I made sure he had help line numbers including the local crisis team. On the Monday I then contacted his GP and arranged for a telephone appointment to discuss his mental health. I was there for the call when he told his GP that he was fine and wasn’t actively planning to take his own life and he was just “blowing of steam” when he said it. That night I ended up in hospital myself due to Atrial Fibrillation possibly brought on by anxiety/stress. That was the last night he stayed with me. I sent him with a letter to the police station saying I couldn’t let him remain at my address due to the affect on my health both mental and physical.
Last Wednesday, despite his wife putting a non-molestation order in place after he kicked in her front door, he attempted to make 20 calls to her and sent WhatsApp messages one of which saying he would rather commit suicide that spend 6 months with no contact. Later that day, while I was at Aspie I spoke to him on the phone and he was frantic, crying and screaming and he told me he was going to hang himself. Needless to say I called the police and said what I had been told, explained the full circumstances. About an hour later my friend called me saying he was fine he’s calmed down and sat near the racecourse. Police and ambulance then headed to his location to find he wasn’t there. He’s walked back to the B&B he’s staying at. After driving round the city to find him the ambulance took him to A&E for assessment. After speaking to a mental health liaison he was deemed as no risk and sent home. A lot of drama for him to again say he is fine.
Thursday evening I had a conversation with him because the day before he was asking me to contact his wife for him and due to the court order I can’t act as a go between. He told the courts to sent his mail to my address without asking me first which annoyed me and I tried to tell him Im not his personal postman, he has an address and his mail should go there. Anyway he wasn’t really listening and put the phone down on me. I sent a WhatsApp message trying again to explain to which he replied with “your taking my wife’s side, I’m hanging myself tonight”
Every time he does this, which I am absolutely convinced now that he has no intent on hurt himself but using it to gain sympathy, it really hits me hard. Im struggling with my own thoughts and although I don’t believe he’ll act, at the same time I don’t want to ignore it and be wrong. Thursday was the last straw for me. I told him quite bluntly that I have done all I can to help him but I couldn’t put up with his threats to hurt himself which at this point are emotional blackmail. I told him if he’s serious about harming himself to call the helpline numbers he has but not to call me anymore and knowing my mental state if he were truly a friend he wouldn’t be putting me through this.
I know I’ve done the right thing for me but a part of me feels bad and a part of me feels angry. He doesn’t really have anyone else so don’t know how he will cope but I’m so annoyed that after all I’ve done he can be so insensitive to me. I’m really not good at walking away from people even if it is for my own benefit
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