Hi, I have suffered severe depression & anxiety on and off since I was 18. I'm 53 now and it's back and I'm devastated. It's roughly my 6th episode and this time I went 8 years without it returning, probably due to remaining on anti-depressants. For some mad reason, I stopped taking them, I don't know why. I was exhausted with work, lack of sleep due to restless leg syndrome and stress of work. All the old feelings have flooded back.....wanting to die, not wanting to die, can't see a future, every day is like climbing a mountain and every morning I wake up feeling the same and I'm back on the meds but they're not working, I'm also on anxiety tablets which make me calm b ut then the depression hits hard and I just don't care about anything. I feel like my life is over, I think I'm old - but 53 isn't old......is it? I feel like my time here is done but I desperately don't want to feel like this.....I have 2 amazing children, the most beautiful granddaughter but they have their own lives and feel they don't need me, they'd get over losing me as they have their loved ones now. Thing is, my daughter was there for me through the first week of this, I stayed with her and she was great but I just felt like a burden, my granddaughter is only 8 months old. She's getting married this year and is going through all the excitement of that and here's me bringing her down and not being the mum I was for her. I am still fighting but feel like the fight is getting harder and harder, I don't know what to do.....