Are we? I don’t even know anymore. There were so many misunderstanding prior to me taking time away and I did it for my own well-being. You’re all going to tell me I’m wrong but it felt like I wasn’t wanted and that feeling was very real for me. You guys mean the absolute world to me, you’re like family, and I’m not just saying that but you’ve all got your own things going on and no one wants to turn to me for help and chat or whatever. I don’t know if what I saw was real or just in my head but when I try to contact people away from the forum messages were being ignored or calls not answered and when that starts happening all around the same time I started wondering why and so many bad thoughts started going through my head and I was getting paranoid that people were talking about me and no one wanted to know me and whenever I posted here nobody seemed to understand my point and it was like I was speaking an alien language or I was on a completely different wavelength or something. The more I tried to explain the worse things got.
You all mean a lot more to me than you could ever imagine, and I don’t think I could ever mean that much to any of you and that’s probably because I’m always screwing things up by doing or saying the wrong thing and when that happens nobody can make me feel worse about it than I already do.
I don’t know what else to say or how else to say it. All I know is that I’ve spend to last few hours in tears just the same way I did two months ago before I chose to walk away. Maybe I should’ve stayed away.
