And breathe…..

[Stella180]

Life his been pretty mental over the past few weeks but I have achieved things that not so long ago seemed impossible. I’ve pushed my boundaries and fought my fears. I’ve gotten horrendously stressed to the point of a meltdown. I’ve been so exhausted I felt like I could sleep for days I’ve faced challenges and won. Tomorrow is my last event in my summer of sport. 1100+ miles travelled, 6 stadiums/arena, 5 cities, 4 different sports, 2 major competitions and one very happy girl.

I’m so glad I did it and have some amazing memories to share but I’m looking forward to a proper rest and start getting the rest of my life back on track. There is a lot going on behind the scenes but wanted to start a new thread with a positive post. You can shout out me for the bad stuff later. Right now I’m gonna celebrate achieving my person equivalent of climbing Everest.

[Suzi]

I’m so glad I did it and have some amazing memories to share but I’m looking forward to a proper rest and start getting the rest of my life back on track. There is a lot going on behind the scenes but wanted to start a new thread with a positive post.

I'm glad you've done these things that are good for your soul. A positive post is always great too!

[quote]You can shout out me for the bad stuff later.[quote]

I don't know what you mean by this, I don't think I/we've ever "shouted you out" for anything....

[Stella180]

I expect a bit of a telling off, I definitely deserve it for not looking after myself very well. It’s one thing taking on these challenges and it’s been amazing but although I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to as a one off or short term thing, I am also aware that long term it’s just not sustainable and the achieve one thing I often have to sacrifice another. A lot has slipped in recent weeks on a personal level and now I have to try and focus on fixing those and getting back on track.

[Suzi]

We aren't here to "tell you off..." You are an adult and are able to make the choices yourself. Whatever those choices and however positive or negative, they are YOUR choices. I am not sitting in judgement of you. All I'll ever done is to tell you how I see it, but I hate the idea that you think I'm going to "tell you off".... I'm not your parent or someone in a position of authority

[Stella180]

I’m sorry.

[Stella180]

Ok so I’m really not in a good place right now. Last night when the aspie lot left the pub a stayed a little while on my own and was close to tears. Today I went out for lunch and again find myself fighting back tears. My head is all over the place and I’m totally overwhelmed.

I’ve been a complete idiot taking on so much lately and now I’m paying the price. Everything around me has gone to shit and I can’t face dealing with it all now. I know I have a habit of pushing myself to do things but this time I really have gone to far. I’ve not been sleeping, I’ve skipped m meds, Talia isn’t getting the attention and care she deserves, I’ve not seen the cleaners for a month, the house is a mess, I seem to constantly piss people off without meaning to I don’t think anyone understands just how upsetting that is for me too. I have been so busy trying to fulfill my commitments I’ve not even had time to write my boys letter for last month and I hate myself for that. I can’t think straight and I feel so broken and useless and I don’t even know why I’m telling you here cos I feel like I’ve screwed up with you all and if I just disappeared nobody would really miss me.

[Paula]

You know what you need to do - eat, drink water, take all your meds, rest, give Talía what she needs including walks, get the cleaners in and breathe. None of these are beyond you, all of these you’ve managed before. All of these you can manage again

[Suzi]

Paula's right, time to go back to basics - missing meds is going to be an issue and going to make you feel worse. So back to meds, drinking and eating healthily and spending time with Talia....

[Stella180]

You make it sound so simple. Today it took me 3hrs to drag me ass into the shower cos even that was more than I could handle. There are so many other things that need addressing too. My CPAP is faulty, the washing machine has a leak, there are still mice around (at least I thing so but not actually seen one for a while).

Even sorting out the 3 bags in the boot of my car, 2 of which I used when at events for reasons I won’t bore you with, is feeling like an uphill struggle.

[magie06]

But you did it. You took a shower. Pat yourself on the back for that one. Yes, it's difficult to get back into routine once we've got out of the habit, but it's possible. Make lists, ask your chemist to do out your meds into weekly cards, don't be too hard on yourself.