Hi Everyone, newbie here

[Typhoon40]

Evening.

I’m a newbie to this forum. Have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2012. I am married and a mum of two boys aged 21 and 14. My depression and anxiety stems from a traumatic experience when I was 15 which I didn’t have therapy for until I was 32. I have been taking meds since 2012 and have had forms of therapy ranging from counselling to CBT. I have my good days and bad days. Although very recently the bad days are becoming more frequent abs longer in duration.

Today we have had to deal with an emergency situation thanks to my husband’s blase outlook on life which will now cost us thousands of pounds and will probably result in one of us (more than likely me) not being able to go on our overseas holiday in a months time. Tonight things have bought me to the point of despair and I’m struggling to find a way out. I should also say my husband can be very intolerant during my times of depression and anxiety and ‘doesn’t understand’ why I’m like it. I’m sobbing to the point where I’m unable to breathe and receiving little to no comfort. This is when my thoughts and actions can spiral and I worry I may do something irrational. I did get to that point in 2014 one July evening but I thank my children (not that they were aware of my state of mind at that point) as their faces entered my head and the thought of leaving them just like my mum left me (abandoned) bought me back.

I’m sorry for harping on. By typing this I feel as if I am channeling my thoughts into a positive way instead of getting to an anxiety attack stage.

I hope you all have a gentle and pleasant evening.

Typhoon x

[Suzi]

Oh sweetheart it sound like you needed to get that out of your head. You're very welcome here.

Do you have any calming exercises? What about a support system around you?
Hunni, however bad things seem right now, they are only temporary and things will change.

[Jaquaia]

Hi and welcome. Sorry for all the questions but what meds are you on? How long have you been on them? When was the last time you saw your GP? It could be that you need a med review, and the extra support won't hurt. Are you still having counselling? Are you taking care of the basics (eating, drinking, meds)?

[Typhoon40]

Thank you for your welcome. IÂ’m glad I have got it all out now..

I use breathing and focussing techniques for bringing back from attack stage and I also exercise a lot to help with fight or flight (excess adrenaline) state. I have been speaking to my dad and also my best friend tonight. Both have been with me every step of the way and I couldnÂ’t be more grateful. My 14 year old gives me his signature kiss on the forehead as he knows IÂ’m not feeling too well.

Thank you for your beautiful words and encouragement x

Hi and welcome. Sorry for all the questions but what meds are you on? How long have you been on them? When was the last time you saw your GP? It could be that you need a med review, and the extra support won't hurt. Are you still having counselling? Are you taking care of the basics (eating, drinking, meds)?

Thank you so much for your reply. I have been on and off meds since 2012. I am currently off (stupidly my choice) but I am the brave hero but clearly not. I have emailed my surgery this evening to ask for a review (new way of contacting our drs since covid). I finished counselling in 2014 after being discharged due to it being successful and being taught coping techniques during CBT. I have to admit it helped and I have used them a lot but recently things have not helped too much. Im glad to be surrounded by you all on here and not feeling ashamed for asking for extra help. I am drinking plenty of fluids due to the heat, continuing to exercise. My appetite is low so food is a bit sporadic but I try and eat little bits when I can.

[Jaquaia]

Little bits is fine, making sure you're fueling your body is important. You can always go back to counselling if you felt it helped, there's no limit as to how many times you can be referred.

You never have to feel ashamed here. We've all had to ask for extra help at times so we get it. You'll find nothing but love and support.

[Paula]

Hi lovely. You should never feel ashamed of asking for help, or saying it as it is. Well done for emailing your GP, if they suggest going back on the meds, would you feel ok about that?

[Suzi]

It's so good to hear that the CBT helped. Definitely go back and see your Dr and think about meds if they helped and a referral back to counselling for a top up. You're more than entitled to it. Sounds like your son is awesome and a great support!