There is a really long wait for all this kind of help - I'm waiting too, so I can totally understand how bad things can be and how unbearable it can all seem....
Why not post more here? The community here can really help - they've helped me no end, then as and when you've been here a while and we've got to know you a bit better I can add you to our abuse survivors group. It's a private group and I let people in once we've had chance to get to know you as it's such a triggering and sensitive area - I'm sure you can understand...