Do we ever get better? Or once we have depression is it always going to follow us around and drag us down. Like with my asthma, I always have asthma but I don't have symptoms every day. I take preventatives every day and wjen it flares up I take my reliever inhaler. Something I have been taking a lot more of lately and need to get in touch with Dr. Ive had depression on and off since my teenage years, although it wasn't first diagnosed until I was 19. I've had times when the depression and anxiety is mild and manageable and other times when I am fighting to stop sinking. Right now I'm struggling. I've been quiet from posting for a few months. I've been avoiding dealing with my thoughts because it's been too much. I feel extremely guilty and ashamed of myself for many reasons. One of the main reasons is because I can see the effect of my illness has on DD. And she's struggling herself. I'm still on long term sick leave due to various health issues. Depression and anxiety just being a part of it. I've no idea when I will be ready to return to work. Whenever someone asks me I feel awful and don't like having to explain myself. I may look ok. I may sound ok. But I'm not ok. I do not like me. I do not want to be me. I am angry with me. Ashamed of me. And I've had enough. But I feel so guilty and ashamed of these thoughts and feelings when I see so many people suffering right now. I keep telling myself to stop these thoughts and try to get on. But I can't. I'm struggling to function normally.