From crisis to hope....I hope!!

[Paula]

If it was just you, would you go?

[Suzi]

I dont know. I have to decide whether I go to see him. I've been nc for over a year. Will i regret not going? Do I want to go for me or just to keep peace with my siblings? Will it destabilise me to go at a time when things are already a bit rocky.

I know for me, I've kind of wanted to make sure they are gone - definitely not going to pay respects, which may sound odd, but it's why I went to my grandmothers funeral.

As you know I had a rocky relationship with my mother and it's through going through counselling I'm seeing how f*d up it really was.. I had a long chat with Marc when I was struggling with going and being the dutiful daughter when she was ill. He said to me that for him with his own Dad that he had to separate him into 2 different people - one the nice guy who would do what they could to help, was funny etc and the second - the complete ars*hole who treated everyone like shit when he was drinking.... I adopted this with my Mum and although it was really, really hard it meant that I only went to see the person who wasn't narcissistic, controlling and bitchy, just the one who was ill, lost and scared and I could help her with that and it meant I got to say my goodbye too itms?

BUT only you knows what you want/need to do - could you talk it through with A? Does he know what happened? What about your psychologist?

[Strugglingmum]

Sorry guys just letting you know my father died today. Funeral is hopefully on Thursday.

[Jaquaia]

How are you doing?

[Paula]

[Suzi]

SM, how are you doing love? Do you want to talk?

[Strugglingmum]

Thanks guys. I'm ok at the moment. Dont think it has really sunk in. I'm feeling quite numb about it all.

[Suzi]

That doesn't surprise me at all. Here for you whenever lovely xx

[Strugglingmum]

Today was my father's funeral. I'm glad this day is over.

[Jaquaia]

How are you?