From crisis to hope....I hope!!

[Suzi]

Maybe talk it over with them to keep them in the loop?

[Strugglingmum]

I dont really understand how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling his way but I'll try to explain in case anyone has any suggestions.

I'm really struggling with realising how ill I was this time last year. I had a lovely walk with Katie today but as I passed the quarry that I almost threw myself into last year it really hit me that I almost wasn't here.
Instead of feeling relief I feel like a huge weight of recovery hanging on me. Like I have come so far but it's like the responsibility of staying well is overwhelming me.
Does anything make any sense???
It's like I'm afraid of not being able to stay well. It's such a struggle at times, especially since my symptoms have been flaring over past few months.

I feel the weight of people's expectations of me to manage and stay well. Staying positive all the time is exhausting. I have done a lot of resting and sleeping over the holidays so I should be feeling energised but I actually feel overwhelmed and afraid.
I'm ashamed to confess it.
Everyone sees me as well and I feel like I have to keep up the mask to please everyone. A is the only person I can be totally honest with.

[Paula]

Everything that happened was a huge trauma and, no matter how far you’ve come (and you have) it will take time to recover from that trauma. Unfortunately, with this illness, there isn’t a fixed place or time that triggers us, it surrounds us, our lives, which is part of the reason, I believe, that recovery is so tough. So, yes, people are right when they comment on how well you’re doing, but mostly they will have no idea just how much of a challenge it is every day to continue that recovery. And just how exhausting that it.

Love, you don’t have to be positive all the time - that’s not in the human nature and is additional effort you just don’t need to deal with. It’s truly ok to have a crappy day (or week), or feel fragile, and not to be scared it’s a relapse. It’s also ok to tell people you’re feeling crappy/fragile, and either ask for help or tell everybody to leave you alone.

[Jaquaia]

What Paula said. You're doing brilliantly but we say that because we know how hard you have fought to get well. If you relapse then we'll still be here waving pompoms and cheering you on. If you have a bad day, exactly the same.

[Suzi]

Paula and Jaq are totally spot on. You've been through a significant trauma being as poorly as you were. Yes you've worked really hard to get better, but love no-one is positive 100% of the time. It's totally not going to help to try to put that pressure on yourself. Everyone, has good days and not so good days...
I'm glad you're talking to A, but hunni you know we're here too..

[Strugglingmum]

Haven't posted in a while...mainly because I dont have anything to say.
Since I started pregabalin I have very little energy. I need a kick to get me going.
I went to another sewing class at the weekend which was really great... I made a pair of pyjama bottoms.
Other than work I haven't done very much.

[Paula]

I hope the side effects stop soon….

[Suzi]

You made PJ bottoms? That sounds awesome!

How bad is the side effects with the preg?

[Strugglingmum]

The worst thing has been the tiredness. It's like total draining exhaustion and brain fog. I was a bit nauseated and constipated but that soon eased but the fatigue remains.

[Jaquaia]

Hopefully it will start easing soon. In the meantime, be kind to you