So low. Don't know what to do...

[Mattypompy]

Hi everyone. I hope you are as well as can be.


I've been really struggling with my mood/depression.

I'm struggling to cope with my mood and don't know what to do

Ever since New Year my mood has absolutelyplummeted, yes part of it I'm sure is the Januaryblues but I haven't felt this low for 6 months. I live alone and am socially very isolated. Yesterday was my dad's birthday. He passed away a few years ago. We were very close and I think my grief is unresolved. I just want to talk to him. I've had tears today which is unusual for me, I don't mind saying. I lit a candle and wrote a note to him.

I'm also on a stimulant withdrawal, lots of caffeine Yesterday, it was my sisters birthday. Now I'm on a crash. I've also had anxiety break through. I'm going to talk to gp tomorrow I think my ADs need doubling. I have low dose diazepam.

I talked to someone on the NHS mh helpline earlier. I'm also food and sleep deprived. I'm just looking for some coping mechanisms anyone can suggest, I'm having intrusive negative thoughts.

Thanks for reading...

Xx

[Paula]

This time of year must be hard with your dad’s birthday coming straight after what can be a great, but also very stressful time of year. Have you ever considered grief counselling? Cruse are highly recommended in particular https://www.cruse.org.uk/

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you for coming and talking and for knowing you need to speak to your GP.

How did you cope with your sisters birthday?
When did you last eat something proper?

[Mattypompy]

Hi Ladies, thanks for the beautiful replies, I'm very grateful.

I actually had a worsening of the anxiety yesterday, which was a secondary effect of the very low mood. I have a pulse meter at home. I had a sustained bpm of around 130 so I went to A&E to be on the safe side. All the other vitals were OK and I stayed in reception until about 1:30am just to ensure the heart settled down to about 105.

I took 5mg diazepam last night and slept a lot of today, which was important as I only had about 2 hrs sleep Weds.

I feel so much better today. The mood is almost as stable as it was before yesterday. Massively quick turnaround. I caught up on some food today but interestingly the appetite is pretty suppressed.

I have been in touch with Cruse before Paula and will look into it. I did have grief therapy at the time. I was shocked how intense the emotions were about him yesterday. Hasn't been like that for years. What I may do is get the gp to write a referral letter and see someone privately. In addition to a meds review. I clearly have anxiety/depression/grief and self esteem issues to address. I know the commitment required to go through therapy and maybe in a couple of weeks I'll be ready.

Sisters birthday was fine, enjoyable I just had a massive mood crash the morning after. I over did caffeine drinks and I'm sometimes physiologically sensitive to it. I think if the 7nderlying depression was better managed yesterday's episode would have been milder.

Thanks

Sending love��

[Suzi]

So glad that things seem a bit brighter. I'm very glad you're going to ask for a referral - but although there is a wait you could go for NHS counselling if financially it's going to be too hard to maintain it privately itms?
Again cruse are brilliant and you can go back to them as much as needed...

[Mattypompy]

Thanks for the reply.


I have had a fluctuating mood this week. I've forced myself to try and be healthy, food, exercise and also got my light box out.


I am low at the moment. Again it's hard to determine exactly why. It's difficult to describe but it's like a force of just sadness that envelopes your spirit.

I have not worked for a long time due to many reasons but mainly my MH, confidence, self esteem.and social anxiety.

I want to change that this year. I don't mind what I do, even thought I'm well educated. I have a referral letter for a Psychiatrist so will try and set that up next week.


I think a lot of the problem is the social isolation and it's a viscious circle as when you're low you don't want to socialise. Constant negative rumination is also crippling.

Thanks for the Cruse tip. I definitely think I need face to face counselling, not remote.

Hope you're well. Thanks again.


Matt

[Suzi]

Sweetheart, why not pop in more often so you can have more immediate support and suggestions?
Any joy of seeing a Dr?

[Mattypompy]

Sweetheart, why not pop in more often so you can have more immediate support and suggestions?
Any joy of seeing a Dr?

Hey Suzi,

Thanks for the speedy reply Legend!

Yes I should do. Sometimes when I feel really low like this I completely withdraw from communication with anyone. Obviously a classic sign of low mood. You're totally right though.

You mean pop in here, right?

I have an insurer, so on Monday I will try send get a private quick evaluation with a local Psychiatrist. There's a lot to unpick. I may need a different type of therapy. Perhaps DBT. I've tried not of the other common ones.

My Venlafaxine has been doubled and is slow release now. A 5 min chat on the phone with a GP who is difficult to understand, and I'm a tele phobe, doesn't scratch the surface at all.

The lady on the NHS mental health line was good. She suggested these YouTube podcasts Wuwei.

Thanks for being there.

M x

[Paula]

I know exactly what you mean about withdrawing - that’s my trick too. But I also know it’s counterintuitive and talking about what’s going on in your head is far and away healthier and more helpful. There’s a quote about shame losing its power in the light. Depression makes us believe that we should be ashamed of how we feel, what we’re thinking and who we are. So it makes sense that the more light we shine on it, the less power it has over us….

[Paula]

After my comments last night, this appeared on my facebook page ……