Oh no! What happened? Do you want to talk about it?
Oh no! What happened? Do you want to talk about it?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
They went completely over the top again. J is completely overwhelmed, Thomas is feeling guilty because of the sheer amount of stuff they got him, and 3 of my presents are really for all of us and I don't like them/they're not needed as they know full well we already have them. Not to mention I feel really uncomfortable with the sheer amount of stuff they bought me.
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Oh hunni, that sounds like such a difficult situation to cope with and to manage.
It sounds hard on all of you. They have to see that things aren't as they should be?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Oh come on. Can’t be as bed as the impractical green vase and the butter dish for their lactose intolerant daughter in law to be?Originally Posted by Jaquaia
Sounds like they are "great" at present buying!
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
They got me an insulated backpack for picnics, a picnic blanket and an outdoor eating set. We have outdoor stuff and they know this as we used it last year for T's half birthday, we already have a huge picnic blanket, and I already have a backpack I use for every thing we take on days out. Not to mention I really don't like the one his mum chose. And after a bit of research, it turns out they wasted £52 on all that so now I'm feeling like a right ungrateful cow and absolutely horrible for not liking any of it. They've easily spent around £100 on me and I feel so uncomfortable. I would much rather have just had a couple of books and that's it. I feel like a horrible person for not being more appreciative
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Can I offer an alternative view? For years, Si was useless at buying me presents. He had no idea what to do (one Christmas he bought me a hairdryer….. he’s now banned from buying me household appliances unless I specifically ask for them). He ended up, in his words, ‘throwing money at the problem’. It didn’t work. Eventually, I would send him a list of various thing I might like and he would pick and choose from the list. Thankfully, after 23 years, he’s got the hang of it.
It sounds to me that’s what’s J’s parents are doing. They haven’t known you long and so are still unsure of what you would like so look at what you do and what you have already and go from there. Buying outdoor stuff, when they know that’s what you both like, probably felt like a safe option. As for not buying books, hunni, to most people buying someone books who already has stacks that they haven’t yet found time to read, might seem like the wrong thing to do. They haven’t quite got ‘you’ and that actually having that book in your hands brings you joy. Maybe next year it might be easier for everybody if you do two things - write a list of the sort of things you would love to have, and set a price limit for everybody on presents.
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
I don't think it's being an ungrateful cow. Being devils advocate for a moment, could they have thought that this is something that the kids and James have never done before you and that they wanted to get you "newer" stuff that is new to all of you as a family?
ETA Cross posted with Paula!
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I know you love books. I know you always ask for books but I feel uncomfortable buying you books mostly because you have so many I don’t know what you already have plus I’m not sure what sort of thing you like to read and I’m too scared to get it wrong. Plus I enjoy taking the piss with joke gifts lol
Paula, they asked for lists of things we would like and they got me the books I asked for but also a lot of stuff on top of that. His mum tries to spend the same on whoever J is with as she does on J, she's told me so before, and I very clearly told her I would never expect to be made the same as I'm not her daughter and that I'd be grateful for one or two nice gifts. The kids have also told us that they felt overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff.
Suzi, we've done it for the past 2 summers so all the stuff is new to us. We bought the outdoor plates last year as I didn't want to risk our normal plates being broken, and we bought a huge picnic blanket this year that we can all sit on comfortably and is really bright and cheerful. We chose it together.
Like I said, I just feel like a horrible and ungrateful person.
I love what you got me though, and my birthday present is sat on a bookcase on the landing next to the lamp my parents bought me a few years ago! So even though you may feel uncomfortable buying me books, you still manage to choose things I like.
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