My New Reality

[Suzi]

I'm sorry for your loss lovely, but I'm glad you aren't going to live with him...

[selena]

He has called me again. He was drunk and he insisted that I must come there now and immediately.

[Suzi]

Sweetheart I'm sorry that he feels that this is appropriate. It's not at all... You live your own life. He's never been a positive influence in your life.

[Paula]

Don’t let him order you to do anything you don’t want to do. You are a strong, independent woman and you’ve made a real life for yourself despite your losses. You should be where you’re happy

[selena]

I have not posted for a while...

Meanwhile my situation is mainly the same.

My Dad however called me again and asked me directly, if I move there to live together with him or not, because he must decide (I guess whom making heir or what?)
Well, honestly, I do not have strength and sources to support him first. Secondly, I cannot afford to travel a lot, so I would prefer going into the other directions.

I forgave him but that is all, I pity him, but I am unwilling to do what he wants.

Some time ago, a young man called me and presented himself as my second cousin from Riga. He was nice and it proved to be true. He does not know anything and well I liked the idea of having one more cousin, but I am unwilling to drag him into all dirt. He does not know anything.

He told me he has met my Dad for the first time in his life,he literally knocked at his door and complained how lonely he is after his mom's death. My Dad comes to his place once per week, at the same time he talked about me - his daughter .
This man is a businessman and he occasionally travels to other European states.

He probably thinks I want to come there, but I am unwilling to come even on visit.
I am a bit messed up, I pity my Dad, but I cannot make his plans alive. I have different plans in life.

[Suzi]

We've missed you!
What did you say to your Dad? What is it that you forgave him for?

What would you be dragging your cousin into?

Definitely live your life for you lovely.

[selena]

Thank you.

Because he was not in my life and whenI asked him why he could not have managed it better as father, he said my mother filed for divorce and that is all.

I do not want to complain to him about all my issues with my Dad, unless if he asks something specific.

[Suzi]

It's not complaining, it's talking and sharing things...

[selena]

Hello again, it has been a while since I posted last time.

I have come through some challenges and really struggled with depression mood swings.

But a situation really makes me struggle. Just tell if you perceive it is a duty or not.

So, my Dad remained alone after his mom's death. Meanwhile, I found out that my only half-sister, his only other child, is ill and disabled since birth. So he said he could rely only on me.
Meanwhile, I met online my second cousin who lives in my dad's country too. He seems a nice and kind person. We occassionally communicate online, but that is not enough ground for me to come there as a visitor, especially as I am supposed to live at my dad's place. He does not know anything about real situation and I do not want to drag him in all this.

My dad however told me some time before that I must be aware he is 67 and I must take a decision, because he has to decide something important too.

I cannot provide for him and it seems he grasped it. Now he sometimes calls me and is interested just because he knows I will not hurt him, but during my last visit there, he bullied me mercilessly over my weight etc and why I am not skinny, while he had never been exactly fit either and I am affected by certain health issues.

First, it is money issue and then I am unwilling to go there ...and get bullied again. As for my cousin, I think we can meet in other place.

Maybe I sound like a monster, but I am unwilling to really come there....I am feeling vulnerable and triggered face to face to him...

[Suzi]

Can I just check...
Is your Dad still wanting you to go and live with him?
Are you suggesting that you and your second cousin become a couple?
What does he expect you to do for your half-sister?
What decision does he expect you to make?

Sweetheart I have to say the same as I've been saying to you for years... You DESERVE to be HAPPY! Being overweight and having diagnosed illnesses do not make you less of a person. For your father to be bullying you about that is disgraceful and really should stop you from wanting to be anywhere near such an unkind man.
I've never, ever heard you sound anything like a monster. You are always kind and willing to do what is right for everyone else, but it's time you now put YOU first! Tell him how you feel. Start going out and meeting people - maybe join a group who have similar interests as you do - check local groups on Facebook etc. That could lead to more friendships, which could lead to more. Being in a couple isn't the be-all and end-all love. You will find the right person when you are not expecting to. Be kind to yourself!