Enough is enough, I'm emotionally trapped

[Mattypompy]

I totally understand that. No need to apologise, we're here all the time

Btw, I meant huni not gunning!������

Xx

[Suzi]

I assumed

Always welcome.

[Mattypompy]

I cannot deal with this anymore. How can a person intentionally be so vile and nasty to a brother who has only offered help and support.

When am I such a stupid fool to a) be so upset and sad about it and b) keep re-engaging with her thinking things will change.

My sister has really upset me again. I've had tears tonight and fleeting suicidal ideation.

This is what happened. She bumped into a French guy I've talked to before, in the pub near hers on Friday.

I had been talking to her via email, supporting her with her health and a injury claim all week..

I'd had an argument with this guy when we were both drinking. Over how I pronounced his name. We were both rude to each other.

This guy lied to her that I was xenophobic and homophobic and she believed him. A total stranger.

She sent 4 emails when she was drunk. 1st accused me of being a xenophobe and homophobe. 2nd said she's smarter than me so I'd look like a dick if I was trying to gaslight her (over rejecting those vile allegations), 3rd said nobody seems to like you, not surprised you moved. I moved from my old place 9 months ago for health reasons. There's no truth to the allegations, the guy lied and is stirring I guess cuz we had an argument.

I cannot take it anymore. I have vulnerable mental health and she's emotionally abusing me. I'm so down because of it.

[Paula]

Oh hunni . So, how do you think you can change things?

[Suzi]

What a horrible experience love. What are your options?

[Mattypompy]

Hi Ladies, thanks for the reply and kind words, as usual. I know the only realistic option is to significantly reduce contact with her. I'm traditional in that I believe family is important and people should be kind, caring and loyal to each other. My faith also means I have to forgive people.

Unfortunately these two aspects of my personality present a problem when someone is chronically nasty, as you can be repeatedly exposed to abuse but there are no consequences for the abuser. That's what she is, an emotional abuser.

I know what I need to do, it's a question of doing it. But this was a new level of nasty to someone with enduring depressed social isolation. That isn't love, it's toxic abuse. And it was all a lie. Didn't even know the guy's sexuality and I do not care a jot.

She's often undermining my self esteem... I think as she's trying to project her pain.

[Suzi]

I think she sounds like a thoroughly miserable person who feels the need to make those around her suffer in the same way she is....

[Mattypompy]

Yes Boss Lady, I think that's correct.

Thing is, she's so stubborn that she's in denial that she has problems so it's the world's fault no fault of hers.

She refuses to seek help and is in denial. I've always been of the opinion that seeking help and recognising one's problems is a sign of strength. Unfortunately we have traditionally lived in a society where its seen as a weakness. I think it's courage.

Xx

[Stella180]

I’m much like you. Family means everything and spent so many years trying to hold my family together, trying to be the best mother, daughter, sister, cousin that I could be. I failed miserably or so I thought. The trust was I was fighting for something that no one else cared about in the same way that I did and in the end I had to walk away from many of them. Of course I still loved them and always will but I had to learn that I was hurting myself by trying to maintain these relationships in a way that I believed they should be.

Every time you engage with your sister she is going to hurt you. You know this but still you put up with it because she is family but what is the point of family if they treat you so badly? Just because you came from the same womb doesn’t mean she has the right to abuse you. You need to walk away when she gets nasty because you deserve better and if she genuinely cares about you she will learn that her behaviour is pushing you away and change how she interacts. Alternatively if she doesn’t care then this will continue and is that something you want to go on for the rest of your life? It definitely sounds like you need to stay away from her for your own well-being. You have no control over her behaviour but you do have control over how you react to it.

[Suzi]

That's a brilliant post Stella.