Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 34

Thread: Enough is enough, I'm emotionally trapped

  1. #21
    Librarian and chief holder of antiquities and biscuits Jaquaia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    East Riding of Yorkshire
    Posts
    21,555
    Sorry, coming to this late, but wanted to add that the best thing I ever did was cutting my sister out of my life. I miss my niece's but she never let them call me auntie anyway. Sometimes you have to put yourself first and avoid toxicity, even if they are family.
    Tên përdu, jhamâi së rëcôbro

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jaquaia For This Useful Post:

    Mattypompy (23-11-21),Suzi (10-09-21)

  3. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaquaia View Post
    Sorry, coming to this late, but wanted to add that the best thing I ever did was cutting my sister out of my life. I miss my niece's but she never let them call me auntie anyway. Sometimes you have to put yourself first and avoid toxicity, even if they are family.


    I know now I'm a bit late but thank you for your comments.

    I'm clearly an idiotic sucker for emotional abuse. Now she has been vacillating over a planned trip London before Xmas. I delayed other things, kept days free to go, after she implicitly agreed. Now she's playing games as to whether she can go before Xmas after I asked 3 weeks ago. Perhaps I'm paranoid but seems she enjoys the attempted control of emotional manipulation. Crazy stuff, pretty debased.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stella180 View Post
    IÂ’m much like you. Family means everything and spent so many years trying to hold my family together, trying to be the best mother, daughter, sister, cousin that I could be. I failed miserably or so I thought. The trust was I was fighting for something that no one else cared about in the same way that I did and in the end I had to walk away from many of them. Of course I still loved them and always will but I had to learn that I was hurting myself by trying to maintain these relationships in a way that I believed they should be.

    Every time you engage with your sister she is going to hurt you. You know this but still you put up with it because she is family but what is the point of family if they treat you so badly? Just because you came from the same womb doesnÂ’t mean she has the right to abuse you. You need to walk away when she gets nasty because you deserve better and if she genuinely cares about you she will learn that her behaviour is pushing you away and change how she interacts. Alternatively if she doesnÂ’t care then this will continue and is that something you want to go on for the rest of your life? It definitely sounds like you need to stay away from her for your own well-being. You have no control over her behaviour but you do have control over how you react to it.
    Thanks Stella. Great perspective and analysis. I agree with every word. It's like there's an emotional masochist in me. I think part of the problem is being socially isolated, lonely and a social phone.

    All of those factors compound a sense of unhappiness and frustration. I will think on your words.

    Thanks again.

    Matt👌
    Last edited by Suzi; 22-11-21 at 10:50 AM. Reason: Merging posts, please try not to double post! :)

  4. #23
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    95,317
    Matt, lovely to see you. Why are you still allowing her to control you lovely? She doesn't appear to change and you don't need the nastiness in your life...
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  5. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Matt, lovely to see you. Why are you still allowing her to control you lovely? She doesn't appear to change and you don't need the nastiness in your life...

    Hey Suzi darling.

    This the pathetic mystery. Need my head read. I think it essentially comes down to the intrinsic value I place in family. I'm given to be vulnerable and open to be treated with contempt. Silly mug. Clearly it's a weak spot when another family member doesn't feel the same. Also we lost both our parents a few years ago, close together. I thought that may be a catalyst for a kinder togetherness.

    Seems I'm a naive romantic.

    Hope you're well lovely?

  6. #25
    That really does sound familiar. I too lost both parents within 4 months of each other about 8 yrs ago. I actually fell out with my brother and we didn’t speak after. We lost him to cancer in 2019. It’s just me and my sister now and we rarely see anything of each other. I’m pretty much on my own.

  7. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by Stella180 View Post
    That really does sound familiar. I too lost both parents within 4 months of each other about 8 yrs ago. I actually fell out with my brother and we didn’t speak after. We lost him to cancer in 2019. It’s just me and my sister now and we rarely see anything of each other. I’m pretty much on my own.
    Hi,

    Sorry to hear that Stella. I have two sisters, the one I'm referring to that I have problems with and another one I get on well with 99% of the time.

    The younger one, middle child, I'm youngest, has a serious anger problem, super argumentative and can be nasty verging on cruel.

    I'm pretty much on my own too and have a history of Devereux depression and anxiety. I just don't understand why siblings can't be kind and nice to each other. I find it harder to be unfriendly and impolite.

    One of life's great mysteries.

    Cheers

  8. #27
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    95,317
    Oh love, sounds like you need to work on boundaries... Something that I was talking to others about earlier... It's so hard to put enough weight on what you need and want.....
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  9. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
    Oh love, sounds like you need to work on boundaries... Something that I was talking to others about earlier... It's so hard to put enough weight on what you need and want.....
    Exactly. I hadn't even thought about boundaries until s few months ago, perhaps with the input of you guys, but that is so true. And I did indicate to her my boundaries, about certain topics, that undermine my self worth and self esteem, again and again....

    I hadn't even considered some things sit on the wrong side, as it's grey, of disagreement into abuse. Needless to say she doesn't respect those, especially when intoxicated. I think she does it to boost her self esteem in a warped and vindictive manner. If she said to me topic A is off the agenda, that would be fine but one rule for one..

  10. #29
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Hampshire
    Posts
    52,876
    What are you going to do to change things?
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  11. #30
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Surrey. UK
    Posts
    95,317
    It's hard, but maybe it's time to cut yourself a safe space away from her for a while?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •