You're very welcome. I'm always happy to explain anything
How are you feeling love? How are your moods etc?
You're very welcome. I'm always happy to explain anything
How are you feeling love? How are your moods etc?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Afternoon.Originally Posted by Suzi
You're very welcome. I'm always happy to explain anything
How are you feeling love? How are your moods etc?
Much better thank you. The beautiful weather today is helping and I have removed one of the 3 sources of the stress that precipitated the panic attack, for a few days. Yes it's a family member. One, who knows my triggers, gets intoxicated then exploits them ruthlessly to undermine my self esteem.
I'm actually almost 99% convinced she has a personality disorder. The bummer is, as I'm sensitive, the vicious words from her tongue actually do hurt, I know I shouldn't let them but I cannot break the link. She must find it confusing she can treat me like s*** and I still come back for more. What a mug I am.🙄
Hope you're well today. Thanks as ever.
M xx
You aren't a mug, I have similar issues with a family member too. 43 years later and they still hurt me so much. I sympathise. I think it says more about them than us... I like to mentally put them on the naughty step... It helps a little.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Mattypompy (24-04-21)
Glad the mood is a bit better and that the weather is nice! Well done on removing one of your sources of stresd too and am so sorry to hear that it's been a family member who caused you triggers! As Suzi said, you're not a mug! I personally think it's not easy to let go of something as important as family and our minds can be tricky in still making us coming back to people who cause us harm.
Still, you're working hard - seeing as you're trying to remove your triggers. That's not easy but I'm sending you all the best wishes xx
Mattypompy (24-04-21),Suzi (23-04-21)
Hey Boss Lady! Hope you're well. Yes I think you're right. Putting them on the mental naughty step is a sensible thing to do. It's just so draining though when they constantly criticise, demean, belittle and undermine. I can't wrap head round why, knowing how unreasonable she is, why I let it affect me. I'd like to be able to mentally decouple the emotional link.
I also, totally don't understand why someone can enjoy hurting a family member, for absolutely no reason. She said for the 3rd time in about 2 years the other day she wished I wasn't her brother. She was drinking and it was totally unprovoked. How do you deal with someone like that.
Be well enjoy the weekend.
M x
Hey Butterfly,
How very kind of you to read the thread and reply. I hope you're well. Yes, you're so right that it's difficult cutting the family bonds. In my case my sister obviously knows that and treats me like crap because she thinks there ate no consequences. Even when I told her about my mini breakdown she still criticises and exploit the fact I'm vulnerable by refusing to help in a simple matter. I've done loads of stuff for her. I am thinking I'm a mug and I've been duped. I place high priority on family, she says it means nothing to her. One of the other triggers was my best friend of 20 years just ghosting me for no reason I can understand. It's a grieving process. I might go back into therapy. As far as I'm concerned she is an emotional abuser.
I may go to the Samaritans tonight.
Than you again.
M x
Matt, I don't understand it either, but I think that's a good thing. I'd hate to be someone who enjoyed hurting others...
You are definitely not a mug at all lovely. Definitely try going back to therapy. Do talk to the Samaritans if you need to or you can text Shout too (text Shout to 85258) It's free and you will get through to a trained volunteer all by text.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Hey Boss Lady!
Hope things are going well.
I'm feeling quite a bit better. I've been in touch with the Samaritans via email.
I even went to the local office, but of course they ate closed due to covid. Worth a look. I relied on the in person sessions a lot after a bereavement some years ago.
Removing my sisters malign influence, emotionally abusing me while I was in a depressive and anxiety episode, has helped.
I just couldn’t handle the 3 stressors at once and a gasket blew. An unfortunate vulnerability for those affected by long term and historic depression.
Now, I'm going to try exercise and a diet and volunteer.
Thanks everyone, be well.
M xx
Thanks for the update lovely. Hope that things carry on an upward path...
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Hey Boss Lady, hope you're all well.
Ok, so my controlling, emotionally abusive sister that I haven't had any contact with for about a month is at it again. She contributed to the stressors that caused my recent panic attack and deterioration in my depression, she's belittled and undermined my self esteem for decades.
So I told her via text that I was ill and she was aggravating things after I saw her in person about a month ago, then nothing either way, and I was better for it, until yesterday. We often go to the tennis at Eastbourne and tickets went on sale last night and she mentioned she was going to get some tickets. Not even seemingly aware how unwell, never asked how I was, I was last month. Sorry, or how are you are alien concepts to her. I always ask her how she is.
Anyway I wrote a pretty long email explaining in detail how she made me feel last month, how her instant explosive anger and vile things she said really made me quite ill. This was in a calm objective manner. I said I cannot deal with the version of her that is emotionally abusive, I'm making a stand for the sake of my health.
So I said, yes I'll go yo the tennis if you don't intend to be abusive as I'm not too well and need to think about my MH. Explaining to her that we need healthy boundaries or the relationship won't work.
You know what she said. "If you don't pay for the ticket by tomorrow I'm asking a friend to go"
I said to her, again, yes I'll come if you don't intend to be abusive again, her response "As Ive already said, pay me by tomorrow if you want it. If no payment by then I’ll assume you don’t, and take a mate."
She's simply incapable of compromising or even theoretically controlling her pathological anger. This is another attempt at control, giving me an ultimatum as it's so important that she cannot give any ground, or just be a reasonable adult, she'd rather we didn't go.
Last time we went in 2019 she got pissed in a pub, verbally abusive again, went off with a stranger and never went into the tennis ground went home on her own. I've done so much for her.
Honestly, I'm just looking for a bit of advice and wisdom from you guys. I'm not bothered at all about not going as she's so unpredictable mood wise and I'm not going to descend into an argument or another pointless spat.
My draft atm the moment is "I've answered 3 times now, your decision.
If it's that important to you to prefer to reserve the right to be abusive, than go together, then why would anyone want to go under those circumstances. You've answered your own question.
Did you not absorb that email�� That is not healthy or normal. Do you want a healthy relationship or a toxic one? Don't you think we're a little old to have childish, back and forth? Controlling?
To not make someone ill is not too much to ask, pretty low bar for a day out lol
I cannot deal with the abusive, angry personality type that you control. Crystal clear tbh. Up to you"
Think it's a bit long tbh. Best to just reiterate my position.
She loves causing hurt. You're right Suzy, it's probably true it's best not to understand the mindset of someone who enjoys emotional abuse. I can include my original email for context but maybe it's not required.
Sorry for the ramble, just wanted someone else's view as she is a gaslighter too.
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