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Thread: Not Sure Why I Am Doing This

  1. #1

    Not Sure Why I Am Doing This

    Hi everyone. I really don't know why I am doing this or whether it will benefit me in the end so here it goes. I'm Neo and I'm 27 this year. I was diagnosed with Double Depression (DD) about 18 months ago. The PDD/Dysthymia was traced back to 13 years ago (I went through this whole period unaware and undiagnosed) when I was 12 due to another medical condition which impacted my school years and growing up while the MDD hit when I found out my GF was cheating on me 18 months ago (hence the DD). That was the breaking point. Fast forward now, it's been nearly 18 months. I've had 12 ECT sessions, hospitalised three times, tried a whole spectrum of medication by my psychiatrist and a lot of CBT / Talk Therapy with my psychologist and I've relapsed three times, once during work and I'm now back on prolonged medical leave. I keep getting this sinking feeling sometimes that I'll never get better. I've relapsed once during this period after being certified as recovered and am now still going through recovery again before resuming work. I want to go back to work but I am afraid I will relapse again. I am not ready at my current state to go back. Some days I feel like I can return and go back to normal but other days, I feel drained and don't want to talk. I remain mostly at home and in my room. I get tired, restless and bored at times. Games and etc can only help me so much. I guess it's more of the fear and dread that I will not be able to recover from this episode. It feels like hitting a punching bag. You hit it back (recover) but it swings back harder. Again, I don't know why I am writing this or whether this post will remain here long ( i might just remove it idk).

  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Jane Austen country
    Hi Neo and welcome . Please donít disappear from here, youíve absolutely come to a good, non judgemental, friendly place. I know all about protracted recovery (as do many of us here) and how it feels like this is never going to change. But I promise you, as my psychiatrist once promised me, it WILL get better, itís just a case of finding the right treatment/combination that works for you. And being here, talking to people who completely get it, will make a huge difference in your life.
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  3. #3
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Surrey. UK
    Hi Neo and welcome to DWD. It's great that you've posted and I hope you'll hang around to give us the chance to get to know you, and for you to get to know us...
    Just call me Goose....

  4. #4
    Sports Reporter + Resident DJ
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Hi Neo, welcome to the forum.
    If you wanna make the world a better place take a look and yourself and make that change - MJ

  5. #5
    Walker extraordinaire!
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Northern Ireland
    Hi Neo welcome to dwd. It's a great place for support .
    Check out my Calandoniacrochet Facebook page.

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