Hi there,

So I have had a few episodes of depression over the last few years and I am still taking antidepressants. At the moment I am generally feeling ok but there is one situation which I guess has plagued my thoughts over the last year.

2 years ago following my second episode I joined an activity group and made a friend also suffering with depression. I helped and supported them and was generally there for them when they needed me. We got closer and unfortunately they did something which really hurt me. They were very upset and I agreed to carry on being friends. However one day I vented all of my frustration over what had happened. I did apologise repeatedly after.

After that things they became very cold/avoidant towards me. I asked them if I had done something wrong, they said not - that they were in protective mode and that they didn't want to hurt me because it would hurt them. I asked if they still wanted me in their life - they said obviously yes.

Anyway the next month I was in hospital for an operation but I didn't really hear from them that much so I was still a little insecure. I tried to speak to them again on whatsapp but they were in a bad place - told me they didn't know what they could say and they couldn't take this repeatedly. I told them I didn't want to upset them any further so I wouldn't ask any more questions. They said they would leave the group to make things easier for me - I said it was a shame but I understood. Then the next day they blocked me. I also blocked them on another platform - I just didn't want to take any more rejection/hurt.

I guess the difficulty is I have no closure. I have done a lot of ruminating over this in the past year - what did I do wrong, was I too needy/insecure? I have reached a point where I think maybe it wasn't to do with me but there will always be that doubt.