Seeing no way out **SH Trigger**

[Paula]

Perhaps you need to see another doctor at your practice - it’s worth asking if there’s one that specialises in mental health

[Butterfly]

Maybe. I mean I graduated from high school so that CAN be seen as an archivement... or I'm a good swimmer. There's not anything I really am proud of... I compare myself to others far too much. Which is bad and I shouldn't do it but I can't stop it. It's like I'm addicted to thesw thoughts even though I know they upset myself and that they're not good. It really is such a fight.

The therapist I'm going to contact on Thursday is specified on mental health issues though I'll try and look for more options tomorrow. I hope I can sleep well. Last night I fell asleep at like 3am or so, slept until 12pm but barely got a good sleep because I constantly woke up with intrusive thoughts.

I feel so bad for struggling and being unable to stop thinking and hating myself so much. It's probably ridiculous to wish to be someone else but my head can't stop. As said, it's like an addiction to punish myself.

Sorry for being such a burden, this help is so appreciated xx

[Mira]

You are in no way a burden. If anything you are a great addition to the forum. What I do see is on the one hand you are mentioning that you dont have real issues. But then tell us about your struggles that make me think you deserve help.

And things you feel proud of are hard to see for yourself. You are from Germany. No one in my family can write English the way you can. Not once have I read one of your posts and thought she is not English.

You have a sense of humor. David Hasselhof comes to mind. You are kind in thanking people who reply on your thread and you think things through. All things that are you. You as a person and not you copying other people.

I am in no way a specialist. But I do think you can use some extra help in the form of therapy to boost your self image and help you in so many other ways.

The positive things I wrote about you are so transparant after 33 posts you made here. So you are good people thats easy to see. And it makes me proud you are here on dwd.

[Suzi]

I can't agree more with Mira. He's spot on. You have lots of things which I would consider something to be proud of.
Are you going to contact the therapist? A doctor?

[Butterfly]

Your words are so appreciated xx It means a lot to get those compliments. With saying "I don't have real issues" I mean that others have it far worse than me and I sometimes feel like I shouldn't complain about things... though on the other hand, everyone's allowed to struggle and feel bad.
Thank you for those words... I think confidence is a huge issue for me as well. Whilst I don't see myself as ugly or something, I probably am not seeing my worth when it comes to talent, archivements etc.
It's funny (or not actually) because I have no idea what my idols archived actually (apart from their career ofc) so obviously I can't exactly compare myself to them. Yet I find myself frantically (?) trying to be a copy-cat as if to satisfy my non-existent confidence and happiness with myself. Thinking I'm a copy of them seems like the only option to make me happy and that's pretty bad. I'd like to enjoy them freely and not think about having to do all they did to be happy.

I'm definitely going to contact the therapist. I also found plant-based medication in our local pharmacy, called Zaffranax, which helps to get a good sleep and a better mood. I'll try that out additional to seeking for a therapist.

Thank you so much as always xx

[Suzi]

Can I ask why you think you don't match up to anyone you compare yourself to? Where has this need come from?

[Jaquaia]

The thing is, you may think that others have it worse so you shouldn't complain, but I can guarantee that there will be people out there who have everything and are still feeling depressed. Suffering is subjective, if it matters to you and bothers you then it's an issue. Just because others may have it worse doesn't mean that your suffering doesn't count.

[Mira]

One thing I have learned is that I myself am the worst at anwsering if my issues are worse or less then someone elses.

We are all on our own path and its ok if we need help. And with a therapist fill in all the questions we have.
Can I ask you if you are being someone else here on this forum or is it butterfly we are hearing?

[Butterfly]

I think the reason I think I'm not as good as others is because of years of bullying. I thought that no one likes me the way I am and that all I do is wrong so I found escape in having idols. Seeing them made me think how I want to be just like them and that probably messed up with me.

I definitely am being myself though. I'm not being someone else when trying to get advice and speak to people. It's more when it comes to apprearance and actions that I want to copy idols. Example: cutting my hair to shoulder-length, or harming myself because of not being as good as them.

I definitely agree that everyone - no matter how wealthy or not - deserves help. It's just hard to realise that for myself too probably xx

[Suzi]

I can't understand why anyone would bully you - you're lovely!