It is. I mean I technically could change the job and I definitely want to.. it's just more difficult right now because many companies are closed and aren't looking at applications due to home office things and the lockdown situation. However I definitely can't and don't want to stay at this currently workplace. It makes me go mad.
And I plan to cook an Indian dish. Found a lovely receipt online and will be trying it out on Saturday xx
It might be worth having a look round the job market. I know it’s difficult right now but it’s worth a try.....
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Butterfly (12-02-21)
Absolutely, look around - you might find something or at least you'll be able to get out when things relax due to covid..
I love Indian food!-.gif ")")
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Butterfly (12-02-21)
Yeah I'll definitely look out for something. It's just like.. they're obviously not liking me and I don't even know why. They're asking others how their weekend was, what they've neen up to, how things are going etc. - and the only conversation they're having with me is "Clean the storage."
It just makes me doubt myself even more. Without coming across as arrogant, but I think I'm nice and friendly. What's their problem? I'm really doing my best to work hard. Last year I was off with an injury because they made me carry too heavy packages - when I came back they made me carry heavy things again and said "And this time you're not taking time off for this again."
I feel like the only safe place is with my family or with friends. Like a safe bubble.
I feel like the biggest burden, especially towards my parents. I feel bas for living at home still, though at 21 that's really nothing bad and since I'm not in a relationship at the moment, I wouldn't want to move out and be alone in a house or flat anyways.
I just feel like.. othesr are doing so well in life, archiving things and I'm not managing anything. I'm so scared of life and thw future and it hits so hard.. just trying to stay positive about seeing my doctor soon.
That sounds like a horrible place to work at!
You definitely aren't a burden - I'm sure about that.
You are managing loads! You need to stop being so hard on yourself lovely.
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Butterfly (12-02-21)
It is..
I know I'm hard on myself, I just can't stop. Every time I think it's an okay day, my mind tells me otherwise. It's like it forces me to overthink and worry. I worry so much about the future, about when to do things.. I WANT to do things and yet my mind always tells me 1) I need to plan out everything instead of just going for it or 2) I'm too old, it's too late etc.
I don't know of it makes sense but I need to get it off my chest: Ever since I was little, I dreamt of performing in theatre. Now right now this isn't possible due to covid but I still want ti pursue this. Not to get rich and be famous as heck but just to do what I like.. then, my mind tells me that it's already too late as others started with pursuing a career/hobby like that earlier in life. I then tell my mind that it's never too late to go for something. My mind speaks back and says that, if I want to have a family one day, I have to forget about that. I then tell my mind that you don't need to be married and have a kid at 30. It's okay if you archive that by 40 too.
My mind then says that, if I want my parents to meet my future kid, I have to start as early as possible. But then I obvious am not ready for kids yet. Then my mind goes somewhere else and is scared about loosing people close to me, specifically my parents.
THEN I feel envious of those who seemingly have it all.. though that doesn't need to be reality. Social media can lie. It's like a circle that constantly goes through my head. Why can't I just go for things and not worry too much about the future?
I feel so drained. Every time my mind seems to come off a thought, there's more worry to come.
Sorry for the long post.
Hunni, you are definitely not too old for anything! If you want to do something, go and have a go!
Why not put together a youtube show or something? Or investigate things like local amateur dramatic groups etc - Maybe not for now, but maybe for later?
Don't apologise for longer posts, it's all fine
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Butterfly (13-02-21)
I will try it out for sure once lockdown is over. Just am such an overthinker. There are many acting groups in the city I live so it seems logical to give it a go; it's just so hard sometimes to stop doubts and worries.
Having a specifically hard day today. It's like everything's fell down and is now crushing me, like I barely can breathe. This sucks so so much. All I want is the tiniest source of happiness but instead I feel like I'm mourning my old self who's beek dying a bit more each day and is now gone completely after receiving its final drip over the egde
Hunni, are you talking to your family?
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Butterfly (13-02-21)
What about getting out for a walk?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Butterfly (13-02-21)
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