I hope this is the correct forum to post this, if not then I apologise.
I don't know what to do anymore. Since around the beginning of this year, maybe even earlier, I'm feeling absolutely awful. I don't see any point in living anymore. Whatever I do, it's only connected with worry. I worry about decisions to make, about my future and about what career path to take. Right now I'm working part-time and going to school as well, I'm a trainee. The job I am learning is something I never wanted to do... I want to do something completely different but it's only connected with worry, so my mind tells me it's better to stay unhappy.
I'm so jealous of people who are worrying less and are able to do what they want. I can't even enjoy my favourite artists anymore because I start to build up such a hate and envy towards them. I want to be like them and do what they do/did and I feel like no matter what I do, I'll never be happy because other people ARE better, DID better and HAVE it better than me, especially those I am close to or those I look up to.
That's nonsense, obviously. Everyone's got struggles and not everything's all smiles. But I envy these people so much, I'm longing for happiness even if it would be the tiniest things.
Roughly 1 year ago I'd be like 80% okay. There were some unhappy days that mostly cluld be saved with writing, watching videos or listening to music of my fave artists. Or meeting with friends but that can't happen right now for obvious reasons aka covid.
But nowadays the things I used to LOVE are the things that bring me the most unhappiness. Listening to my favourite music? No, makes me sad. Watching videos of my faves? No, makes me envious and sad - I want to be like them and instead I'm just a pathetic person being.
Writing doesn't work out either because I can't concentrate... same in school and work as well. It's difficult to follow or keep up with conversations, my thoughts are constantly circling around other things.

I've been to therapists before and haven't made good experiences. I've also been to forums to ask for advice. No matter what I do, all the worries, anxiety, envy etc. always come back at me. I feel guilty no matter what I do. I could do the best things and still feel guilhy/unhappy because others did different and better in my opinion.


I'm really run out of ideas what to do. I can't keep going anymore, this life is such a big fight. Sorry if this is offensive to anyone, I don't mean to. xx