Seeing no way out **SH Trigger**

[Mira]

I always like to compliment people. There are many reasons why I do that. But all of them are sincere and they are always what I truly feel or think. So if you don't mind I would like to start with that

Your English is so so so good. And from your posts I can tell you are a intelligent woman. In my experience the people that are in thoughts a lot tend to be that way. I think its awesome how you are working towards a goal and have dreams and hopes. Reading those even give me a good feeling.

I can relate to the fear of being judged oh so well. And lots of people here can. One thing I am trying to learn through therapy and paying attention to myself is where is it coming from? The fear of being judged? And is it a true representation or is it being filtered by me. So I only hear the bad things? I agree with you that people judge. But on one level or another we all do. And thats part of being human. But there is a difference in how and why we judge.

Like gossip. One thing I read in a paper got me thinking and I loved that idea. People seem to love to gossip. And this person said that a big reason of why we do it is to see how others react to it. If I say oh he is lazy. It could mean that people agree and that can validate me since I do not do it like him. So I am doing it right.

I am losing my train of thoughts. Sorry about that.

I did read that you are from Germany. So I would like to say that I think you should talk to your doctor about your mental health. There is a lot to gain from seeing someone about your fear of being judged. When I started therapy we discovered a lot together and now we are getting to a point where we can deal with some of my issues. I would love to see that for you as well. Because you have used the word fear a lot in your post. And that is holding you back. While you should be doing whatever you want to pursue with passion and not have fear weigh you down.