That sinking feeling

[Suzi]

I think you're going to be great at your interview. Be open and honest and most of all, BE YOU!

Glad that the moults are going ok right now.

[Paula]

Wow! I’m so proud of you! That’s something I would never have the guts to do. They will LOVE you!

[Stella180]

Stressed beyond belief!!! I got up early and was ready an hr before I was due the leave which allowed for too much time to think and my anxiety to rise. I received an email to say that my return train was cancelled which boosted it further so have had to work out an alternative.

The route to walk according to Apple Maps was 1.3 miles and would take 21 mins. Well that was a load of rubbish. It was actually just 1/2 a mile from the station and the app was sending me well out of my way. I stopped to eat and have a drink but I was still way too early. We were told to be there for 12.30 (interview at 1pm) and were sat watching Commonwealth Games ads for 35 mins until being called up and then it was only to walk through an exhibition about the games. Eventually we were seated in an area where they played another short video and then we had our “interviews”, which was basically 6 preset questions with some dude writing down your answers and hitting send on the web page.

Next was uniform fitting. Despite putting my sizes down on the application I still had to be measured up. Good job really because they ignored what I put down anyway. Oh and I even got measured for a baseball cap!? The photos that were sent as part of the application were retaken due to new “security protocol”. Basically they completely redid our online applications but unfortunately the WiFi was sketchy and what should’ve been a 45 min process turned into 2 hrs 15 mins.

Navigating my way through Birmingham New Street station (which has as many exits as it has platforms and signage and access to the toilets is shocking) was not my idea of fun but I’m on my way home now thankfully as I have had enough for one day.

[Suzi]

I know it wasn't as you hoped, but hunni you've done it! You're amazing!

[Stella180]

I think the final straw was when the staff in the retail shop were unable to take a payment for a couple of pin badges I wanted to get for the boys. Because the systen was down they couldnt figure out how to even take a cash payment and process it when the system came back online. Complete dumbasses. I could've told them how to do there jobs but I was too stressed out so I just left. I've ordered them online instead now (and had to pay £3.95 for delivery) but it doesn't feel the same. I wanted to get something from my day there but now its just another online order itms.

[Suzi]

I don't think it's "just an online order" at all. I know it's not how you wanted it, but you've still got them something from your amazing day... You pushed so far from your comfort zone and won. I'm so proud of you, but I hope you're resting now...

[Stella180]

I’ve got counselling this afternoon not that I feel up to that but it’s gotta be done. The cleaners were in this morning and I’ve got Aspie tomorrow and a physio assessment Thursday (although I thought it was tomorrow). It’s not a lot really but it feels non stop. Oh and Talia wasn’t impressed that I left her all day and not won’t leave my side. Which is kinda cute but also I bit annoying.

[Suzi]

How was counselling? The cleaners? It does sound a busy week...

[Stella180]

Counselling wasn’t so heavy today thankfully. Talked about my feeling after last week, and how disappointed I was yesterday and how I always try to do “the right thing” for others even if it’s the wrong thing for me.

[Suzi]

What things yesterday were the wrong things for you?