The thing is, I'm desperately cross for you, because you need some indepth counselling - you need to be able to unpack each bit of crap, sort through it and deal with it if you can. You have no support from any medical team, and you deserve some because you are so, so, so worth bothering with. I'm so cross that you've never had that chance....
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
She’s right, you know. No one could possibly deal with the crap you have without support....
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
I did have that chance a few years ago. After 12 months of counselling I’d still barely scratched the surface.
You did me a huge favour by raising the ASD question and encouraging me to chase up an assessment. No, I wasn’t keen on the idea and fought you every step of the way but my diagnosis has helped me to look at many things from my past differently and that alone lifted a huge weight however there are a lot of “what ifs” about such a late diagnosis too.
My court date in March is being moved back because the most important report isn’t going to be ready in time. Awaiting further instruction so in limbo over that. So the past 6 days have been a blast. My benefits have been slashed, My immune system has been compromised during a global pandemic, and any progress on me being able to see my boys has been put on hold. FML
Things have changed, you might benefit more from counselling now ?
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
But was that intensive counselling or psychotherapy? That's what Marc needed. He's still got a lot to work through, but it allowed him to breathe and to take some control back...
There are loads of "what if's" but if anything it should help you to move forwards with more understanding and asking for more support....
Yes things have been tough, but hunni you can make things more positive in the future. You need to focus on you and actually PROPERLY looking after you. No more ditching the inhalers or taking wrong meds/doses etc because those are the things that you CAN control... I also know that you not taking them isn't down to stubbornness totally, I think it's a self harm thing that you need to address too...
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Ouch! I’ll take a few deep breaths and come back to that.
It wasn't meant to be an ouch.... It was meant to be helping... I'm sorry...
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
You actually think I’ve been screwing with my meds on purpose? To self harm? That’s not it at all. You don’t think it’s likely to be my mind being on overdrive and not being able to prioritise my meds properly. If I wanted to self harm I’d just take theing lot but that’s not where my head is at right now and I’m doing all I can to keep it that way. I realised this morning that I managed to use my inhaler 3 times yesterday as instructed, but stupidly forgot my nighttime meds and when I woke up this morning and realised I was disappointed in myself. I’m trying so hard to get things right but everything is falling apart around me. I’m trying to plug the leaks but there are too many.
It is something I was thinking, so yes... I think you don't take your inhaler or get medical help because you don't see yourself as being worthy of anyone giving you that time/space/bed which is self neglect which comes under the self harm umbrella - as does not eating properly etc etc... I'm telling you this because I've always told you I'd say it as I see it. I'm sorry if I've upset you, that wasn't my intention...
You put this pressure on yourself to be perfect so much, yet you're more than enough as you are. - You are to me anyway... I just wished you saw you as I see you...
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I’m not doing any of this on purpose and yeah I’m pretty upset that you think that. I am trying my best to keep my head above water and I’m clearly not doing a very good job of it, so bad in fact you thing I’m sabotaging myself! Well that makes me feel loads better. Thanks
On that note I’m going to take my meds and go to bed.
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