That sinking feeling

[Stella180]

I stupidly read a post I made on FB a year ago today. 2019 was difficult but generally positive year for me and I had big expectations for 2020, none of which have materialised. I lost a cousin to Covid, a brother to cancer, I’ve lost friends due to misunderstandings and I’m no closer to seeing my boys despite my positive outlook. Why do things always go from bad to worse for me? I make every effort to improve me situation but it’s like being in quicksand, the more I fight to get out, the deeper I sink. The highlight of this year? Being accepted for a boiler grant and having hot water again after a month. I don’t know why I bother.

[Suzi]

I think there have probably been more smaller positives this year, but given the current way you are feeling I can understand that you are finding them difficult to see.

[Mira]

Yesterday you wrote that I was the male version of you. In that case I want to tell you to stop being dismissive of the little things that happen in your life that are good and positive!

On that note, we should celebrate the little things way more and better. I love the fab 5 thread every Friday. But for you and me we should be more aware of them every day. My therapist once said that with children we applaud the little things they do. Hey you brushed your teeth Well done for clearing the table. So many things. But when we clean the table we think yeah nice but the rest looks terrible.

Every little thing is important. In the same way that you are important. You might not see it but I do. You Rock!!

[Jaquaia]

You became Talia's mummy! She's been positive for you

[Stella180]

Yes, of course Talia is a superstar but I’m not her new mummy, more of a crazy aunt. She can clearly see I’m not right. The cleaners came today and normally she gets all excited, especially over the one lady but I was upstairs most of the time and she never left my side. Even when I was downstairs she was still stuck to me. I put the heating on earlier and can’t get warm which isn’t like me at all. Normally 30 mins is enough to take the chill off, an hour and I’m sweating. I’ve comeback to bed and the snuggle pup is giving me the best cuddles ever.

[Jaquaia]

Well she couldn't gone to anyone better

[Stella180]

Oh she probably could but I’m so glad you chose me. I love that little chunk to bits.

[Suzi]

I'm glad you have each other. Have you eaten? Had enough to drink? Taken meds?

[Stella180]

I’ve done meds and eaten a ton of crap earlier. Building myself up to take a far over due shower but I’m being pinned down by a beautiful little snuggle pup.

[Suzi]

Do you have any healthier options to eat? What have you had today?