Bad episode of depression **SU Triggers**

[Knowle]

Hi,

I have suffered on and off with depression and anxiety since I was 20 (I am almost 34 now). Since February 2015 it has been well managed with the antidepressant Mirtazapine which stopped working. I have tried Escitaloprám which made things worse and I ended up going off sick from work for a month. I made the mistake of rushing back to work far too soon and after returning on reduced hours for 3 weeks I went off sick again and am now on week 6 of this current sickness.

My medication has been changed to Venlafaxine which has made some improvements but I am still not feeling well and am still having to battle thoughts of ending my own life on a daily basis. I am terrified to go through with this for fear of botching it and ending up permanently disabled or even brain damaged.

My energy levels are low and I am struggling to motivate myself to do anything productive and am just getting through each day.

In the long-term I would like to get better and meet a nice girl to settle down with but I have no confidence with this and have never had a girlfriend. A close platonic female friend has offered to help me with online dating but I find this very intimidating. I have never had much trouble making friend or getting on with people but I don't have great social skills.

I am now signed off work until 7th December but am dreading going back and having to face my colleagues who will have to pick up my work in the meantime. Going back unsuccessfully has knocked my confidence too. I work for a major public sector employer and the management have been very supportive which has helped.

Sorry for the long post but this seems a really safe and supportive place to share my story.