****Triggers**** where am I going?

[Stella180]

So fine. Give up. Walk away from the people who care about you and sit home alone with no outlet to express yourself. You think you’re lonely now? Just wait. Leaving will take it to a whole new level. I’m not going to sit here and stroke your ego. I think you already know what I think about you cos it’s been said before. I’ve been in your shoes and it sucks. I can’t stop you from making the same mistakes I did, maybe you need to in order to learn the lessons but you have a choice, you can carry on with this retreat or you can get up and fight.

[Mira]

I am not asking for someone to stroke my ego. So no need for that. And thanks for this post. I guess I needed to hear that.

Thanks everyone.

[Paula]

Stella was trying to help you, Mira. As are we all, because we care. Stella really has been where you are and decided to walk away. Thank God she returned, and we were over the moon to have her back and I believe it’s helped her. If you want to throw these friendships and this support away then that’s your call. But please don’t ever think that we will stop caring about you. I will be your friend even if you want nothing to do with DWD. But I believe this forum is the most positive environment you have in your life right now and I honestly can’t see why you would throw that away.

[Jaquaia]

Have you said all this to your therapist? What has she suggested? What techniques has she given you to deal with these feelings?

The issue is, sometimes people don't have the energy to do much more than get their own thoughts out of their head or read what's been posted, or they're busy with their own life and miss stuff. I've been so busy with uni work that I'm getting 5 minutes here and there to look in here. Some of that time, especially over the last week, I've not had the energy for others as my studies have massively triggered me. Yesterday, I was in a bit of a state because of the subject matter. Not replying doesn't mean there is an issue with you. The more likely reason is because we're struggling ourselves.

[Mira]

I do know that Jaq. Thats why I also know that my mind is playing tricks. And its not like I want to throw anything wa. But I see the friendships here. People send each other things. Talk on the phone at times. Have contact with each other. And I dont. I have tried to mention that before but failed. Since I dont want to hear no or feel rejected. But everything seems to make me feel rejected.

I will talk about all of this tomorrow at therapy.

I guess I am to well trained to see everything in a negative way and turn everything in such a way that there is no way to win. Thats on me. I know its all on me.

[Jaquaia]

Do you know what? The only people I've spoken to on the phone are Stella, Suzi and Angie. Suzi was worried about me so rang to check up on me as I wasn't talking here. Angie rang to check on me too. I don't ring them, well, I rang Stella once and that completely ruined the point she was trying to prove to her friend about me never answering my phone... but I avoid talking on the phone. I only really talk to Stella regularly and the others I interact with on fb. I worry about bothering people and sometimes I just want to read my book. In fact, the only people I talk to regularly on the phone are J, his dad and my parents!

[Strugglingmum]

I can honestly say I've never spoken to anyone from dwd on the phone. The only person I have posted anything to is Magie and that's because she asked me to do a job for her.
However I still call them my friends because of what I outlined in my earlier post. I get my friendship and support here in this space.

I also know that I tend to compartmentalise my life as that's how I can deal with it. Eg, that is dwd, that is husband space that is kids space, that's work section. I dont cope well when it all blurs together....I get stressed and feel overwhelmed.

Instead of stressing about what you feel is missing, can you accept and enjoy what is there? Unwaivering acceptance and support, a bit of fun......have you tried Mike's quiz? Healthy competition. People who will quite honestly talk about whatever it is you need. I think that's pretty special.

[Paula]

I don’t really like talking on the phone, even my mum and I will text most days and FaceTime once or twice a week. And the only people I have ‘regular’ contact with outside of the forum are Suzi and Stella. Because, generally, I get to talk to and interact with my friends from DWD, well, on the DWD forum, and that’s enough for me. I don’t know what you think we’re all doing but we really aren’t in each other’s pockets!

[Mira]

I keep thinking about this a lot. The thoughts and feelings I have about these topics. People tell me often to speak my mind and ask if I would like something. Tell people what it is that I like or dislike.

But the reason I dont like doing something like this is how it makes me feel. Now I have the feeling that I am being petty. Selfish. And that my thoughts and feelings are bad.

I think in the end what I would have liked was to have a better stronger connection to people. Thats why I try to reply to people by saying if there is anything I can do let mme know.

I feel terrible typing all of this. Because of how this is making me look. But its not that I want to talk to everyone in the phone. Although its clear that being a friend is something different in everyone eye.

It feels like all I can say now is sorry. So thats what I will end my post with.
Sorry.

[Strugglingmum]

I actually think you have a stronger connection to people on here than you believe. I understand that it's how you see things and noone is trying to play down how you see things, but at times I need help to see the reality of a situation, that what is going on in my head isn't the actual reality, that my perception is a bit skewed, I guess I was just trying to help you in the same way.
Dont be sorry for how you feel, feelings are real, but sometimes we need to challenge our feelings to see if they are based on reality or perception. Therapy does help with that and it has led to a much more peaceful state of mind for me......I still need help with it at times!!