****Triggers**** where am I going?

[Suzi]

Well there are a few people here I would like to ask somethings. But I am to scared of the answers so I know I am not going to ask anything. I am just sad today and want to cover up under the duvet.

Living in fear is really hard. If you've got questions that you aren't sure you want to ask individuals then you can ask me and I'll help you to phrase things so you can ask them if you like?

When I close myself off then there will not be disappointment anymore. No more building up hope and trying for things that don't happen. Yes my life would be empty and lonely. But what would be the difference between that moment and now? Every time my heart breaks. Thats not good either.

That's not something that is ever going to happen or help you at all. You would shut away with no contact with anyone. That's really damaging. At least now you are talking to people, you are having contact and although you are having feelings for people, at least you are having some social contact. Ask your therapy team which would be better and I'm sure they'd agree with us that having some social activities has to help. It's also teaching you that you can stay in a group and you can keep on coming back and stay posting...

I am real happy that you have that friendship here. And that you are working so hard to make things better for yourself. You deserve it. You have a lot going for you. And I hope you will reach the goals you set out to reach.

I hope you all do

We all wish the same for you. You will get there - you haven't been having therapy for long, you have to give it time.

[Mira]

I think I know how I would ask things, but I also know the answers. The only real social interaction I have is here. There is not much else.

Thanks everyone for the kindness <3

[Stella180]

Well there are a few people here I would like to ask somethings. But I am to scared of the answers so I know I am not going to ask anything. I am just sad today and want to cover up under the duvet.

I hope you know you can ask me anything.

[Mira]

Like i said maybe delete everything.

[Stella180]

NO!!! That is the worst idea ever. Believe me I know from experience

[Strugglingmum]

I think I know how I would ask things, but I also know the answers. The only real social interaction I have is here. There is not much else.

Thanks everyone for the kindness <3

If this is your only social interaction then I believe its important to maintain it, but you know this. You would feel even more alone if you delete this account. I cant see how that would help you heal. It would help you hide but you deserve more than that. Fight through those feelings. Every victory, though exhausting, makes you stronger.

[Suzi]

If you deleted everything from here then who would be able to help show you that the world doesn't have to be really lonely all of the time and that there are people who care about you....

[Mira]

You are right SM, this is my only social interaction. But when having a few interactions a day on a thread is all I have its difficult. Difficult when someone does not reply to what I said as that can feel as rejection. If people dont react to my thread at all that feels like that too. And I know thats not true. But it is what I feel. And that hurts me.

Everyone here has more social interaction then me. And I know that I am to blame for that myself. But this pain is to much at times.

[Suzi]

Sweetheart are there any friendship groups near you? What about a walking group or a writers group? I know here most things are online, but it's got to be worth thinking about?

[Mira]

Not that I know of. But I dont know if its good for me now. What will happen? Develop feelings like I have here? Be somewhere and still feel so alone that it breaks me. Or be the clown that entertains everyone but be the one that no one asks about or gives a ring?

I do know that its all my own fault. But its been 41 years of this now and I am tired of trying it over and over again.