****Triggers**** where am I going?

[Mira]

No I never made a mood diary before. I could ask my therapist if its a good idea.

@stella, I remember you had a thread about friendship a while ago. Is this something you and I struggle with while everyone else has it figured out? Today online while gaming someone called me a good friend. I dont even know his real name. We only talk about the game. When I call someone a friend I am all in. But the others are not that way so I get confused about what to do. Thats why I only have one friend in life. The rest is to confussing.

I was on a stream today from a girl somewhere in Essex. She is so funny and nice. I could listen to her for hours. So I left that stream as my "feelings" were getting there again. I can not do anything with other people any more this way.

[Suzi]

Could you be mistaking friendship for romantic feelings? I'm not trying to minimize what you are going through, but sometimes you can have feelings for friends and strong connections grow, but they aren't romantic?

As to having friendships all figured out, I don't think there's a person alive who has that sorted!

I can't see why you couldn't do a mood diary - even if it was a simple smiley face one, at least then you could show it to your therapist so they could get a better vie of how you are doing overall more generally...

[Stella180]

I have been told so many times that I have lots of friends people and what a great person I am, funny, generous, loyal blah blah blah, but if I’m that great why is it my phone rarely rings? That It is usually me having to initiating contact whether that be in person, by message or phone. Very few of my so called friends will think of contacting me and when they do it’s usually because they want something. Friendships are a two way street and so often I feel like I’m not at important to others as they are to me. I have a lot of trust issues but once I let someone past my barrier I am pretty intense and even that can scare people away.

[Mira]

Well we talk a lot about how I am feeling when its time for therapy. They know my week routine pretty well and we always talk about how the week was going for me.

And the thing with me is that I can see it very clear when I have romantic feelings for someone. Since my therapy has gotten the way it is now I seem to develop them everywhere and that is making me uncomfortable to say the least as before I would get those but they would last for years and only with one person.

It is the friendship I get wrong. I experience it the same way as Stella. Out of all the people that say they are my friend I think only one or two would want to call me of even send me an app. Its one of the reasons why I stopped telling people literally that I am there friend. Since the other person goes oh thats nice. And say it back and it ends up hurting me.

[Stella180]

I do have a few good friends, but alas they are online mainly and live far away so I don’t get to see them or spend time with them often, not that it makes much difference during this pandemic.

Is it the person you develop feelings for or the idea of being with that person? When you are feeling lonely it’s easy to make connects that aren’t really there. We can become kinda fixated on the idea of a romantic relationship and everyone becomes a potential partner. If you were in a relationship would you still have these random feelings for others?

[Mira]

I think i have scared everyone away so I dont want to be around people anymore. Well I do but I dont. Thanks for replying Stella.

[Paula]

You’ve not scared me away!

[Suzi]

You haven't scared me away, I've just not been here most of the day

[Mira]

I like myself when I post on other people's threads. I am kind and friendly. At least i try to be. But on my own threads it nothing but bad things. What I want is not going to happen so I need to stop moaning about it. Its ok and its clear to me.

[Suzi]

You've just said positive things about yourself. You never do that. Those are wonderful things to notice about yourself.

What is it that you want which you don't think is going to happen?