I did a stupid thing.

[Haloeffect]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been on here in the past when things were bad and I remember it being very helpful and a nice place to be. The “Purple Place” is how I thought of it.

I’ve been so, so stupid. I did something bad and it’s causing me a lot of pain now. It’s a very, very long story.

In 2018 I was going through a lot, it was a very tough time and to cut a long story short I got back in touch with a girl I’d met the summer before and fell deeply in love. I was already in a relationship and never set out for this to happen but it did, believe me love at first sight is real. It happened to me.

Anyway it’s gone on for two and a half years now and she is involved in my life whether I like it or not. We both work for the same firm, albeit remotely and have become very close friends.

So what’s wrong? It sounds great doesn’t it and aspects have been great but....on the other hand it’s been hell. The positives...I have had many wonderful experiences with her, incredible laughs, deep conversations and magical days out. She was a great friend to me at a low ebb...all brilliant things. She also has a young son who I fell in love with deeply and, having no kids of my own, I genuinely experienced what it is to love a child and I adore him so much I would do anything for him.

The bad? We can never be together. The crazy thing is we’ve never really discussed it although she went away at the end of last year And I wrote her a long letter that spelled out EVERYTHING. I chickened out of giving It to her but the day before she left she forced my hand and I sent it by email. She didn’t really say yes or no but said it was really beautiful and that she knew all of it already.

While she was away I did get over her to a degree and was dreading her coming back which shocked me as I thought I would die without her. When she came back she wanted to see me but I avoided her for a few days and when I could put it off no longer I saw her and I was back to square one. One look in those eyes and I was right back to where I started.

We’ve gone beyond being friends many times and I will be honest it’s always incredible.

I just cannot get my head around this situation even after all this time. I’m head over heels in love even though essentially she is just a friend.

I wish I’d never started this. It’s like I’ve been shown an incredible life that will never be mine. I call her place “Neverland” as that’s how it feels. Every moment with her is incredible, she’s the most beautiful woman Ive ever seen, incredibly charismatic, very funny, intelligent, fascinating, extremely sexy and, above all, a friend like you wouldn’t believe.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to be in this situation and I won’t be the last. She’s not done anything wrong, she has never led me on or given me the slightest hint she has wanted something more permanent. I just built it up in my head, it’s a case of Halo Effect, hence my pseudonym.

I know the way out is just to cut her out of my life but that seems unfair as she’s not at fault, I just can’t handle it.

I really feel like I’m going out of my mind sometimes. At other times I can go with it and just accept I have these wonderful people in my life and I’m so grateful and I’m at peace and then it will flare up and right now it’s horrendous.

Thanks for reading. I know I’ve done wrong, i am not proud. I never imagined I’d be in a situation like this but here I am.

I needed to write this down and get it out there.

[Suzi]

Hi and welcome back.
Firstly are you still in the first relationship?
Why can you never be together?
Does she feel the same?

[Paula]

Hi and welcome back. I’m assuming that you don’t feel this way about the person you were already in a relationship with? If so, is there a reason you’re still with them? Despite what may or may not happen with the girl you’ve fallen for, being with someone you don’t love isn’t fair to either of you.

Do you think there’s a chance of a real relationship with the girl from Neverland?

[Haloeffect]

Hi Suzi and Paula and thanks for reading. Yes I am still in the original relationship and it’s going well. I love her very much and that’s probably why I’m so messed up about it all And unhappy with the person I’ve become.

The “Girl From Neverland” (I love that!) isn’t really a relationship person so that’s why it never really was an option. She’s a free spirit which is a bit of a corny phrase but she really is.

God knows how I will ever get out of this mess. I just try to live day to day really.

[Suzi]

If you are still in love with Girl no1 then really you should either fully commit or break it off so you can be with The Girl from Neverland.... Affairs are never straight forward and everyone involved ends up hurt...

[Strugglingmum]

If you love your girlfriend and are committed to her then sorry but for all your sakes you need to stop all communication with the girl from Neverland. If you cant then you aren't that committed to your girlfriend and would be kinder to let her find someone who will commit to her. Long term.... you cant have your cake and eat it. It only makes a mess and will be a mess of your own making. Save yourself the heartbreak now.

[Stella180]

How can you claim to love your partner if you’re thoughts are with another woman? Is it the fact that you can’t have this other women that makes you so attracted to her? You really need to work out what it is you really want cos your current partner deserves somebody who is fully committed to her. I’ve been on the receiving end of a cheating partner too many times and causes so much pain and heartache. Make a choice not just about what’s best for you but what is best for these women you say you love.

[Paula]

I’d like to add that, just because you don’t (at the moment) have a sexual relationship with this girl, does not mean you’re not cheating. Emotionally you’re cheating, and your partner does not deserve that

[Haloeffect]

Hi Everyone and thanks. I know I did a bad and stupid thing and it HAS caused a lot of hurt now....to me. I just want out now, the pain is constant and awful. My God I would NEVER have got into this if I’d known how I would end up feeling.

I wish it would all go away. Really struggling now and I know I deserve it.

[Suzi]

Can you make a decision as to which of these people you want to be involved with and stop being with the other?