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Thread: Is this a relapse

  1. #11
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm proud of you for talking to your GP lovely, you're doing all the right things. Talk to your husband and children - tell them what's going on - they deal with things much better if they know what it is and they have things explained to them...
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  2. #12
    I slept slightly better last night even though I did wake up a couple of times in the night. Hopefully the increase in the sedative tables will help me.
    I was so anxious driving to work. I felt shaky. I'm home now so going to try not to think about work. It all feels so stressful at the moment. I hate wearing a mask. I feel claustrophobic and the elastic irritates my ears but at the same time I'm anxious if I'm not wearing it. I'm constantly washing my hands or using hand sanitizer. Now I'm home I don't know if I should change clothes and shower but I can't do that every time. It's too much. At least for now I'm not in work every day and the other days I work from home. And im still part time which really does help. Im still not ready for full time work. I would have thought by now I would be and I do feel slightly disappointed but at the same time I'm proud of myself for sticking out the same job for 7.5years. this job actually has helped me in my recovery process from my last major episode of depression.

  3. #13
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Work wise you’re doing what you need to do - your health always has to take priority, so well done for recognising that
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  4. #14
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Paula's completely right lovely..
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  5. #15
    Just been honest with my manager and told him I'm struggling. He replied saying he thought I was doing better as I hadn't said anything to him. At the beginning of lockdown I confided in him as my anxiety was really high. I told him very briefly that I had a past history of depression and anxiety. Anyway he agreed I can stay and work from home tomorrow. I told him I really do not want a situation that will mean I need to take sick leave from work. Going into work is making me feel anxious at the moment.
    I'm not having a good day. Feeling like I'm rapidly descending back down into that pit. So much is getting to me and I'm feeling very irritable and agitated. This state of mind is horrible and so hard to pull myself out off. I've tried searching the web (eg mind) and looking for self help. Yesterday I made a self referral to healthy minds but it said on average 6-8 months wait for therapy. It's so hard to explain this feeling right now. But I feel so flat. I've spent the majority of today in bed. Tried to login to work stuff whilst in bed but can't concentrate. I got up to make ds lunch around 1pm and back in bed again feeling flat, low and no energy. DH just come home from work asking why I am in bed. I said I just exhausted. Dd will be home soon with a friend so I'm going to have to show an appearance at some point.

  6. #16
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm so proud of you for talking to your manager. I know that's not easy. It sounds as if they've been really helpful and understanding. That's a huge positive.

    What's DS been doing while you have been in bed today?
    I know you're struggling, hunni can you go back to basics? Get up, get showered, get dressed, eat..... etc...
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  7. #17
    Ds gets on with his own things. Usually involving technology.
    I'm having a better day today. I had a virtual team meeting this morning at 10 so I got myself dressed as I wouldn't want them to see me in my pjs. I'm feeling a bit more reassured about work now I know all the signage is up and procedures in place for social distancing etc. I'm working from home next week so I don't need to go in. We are on a rota to avoid it getting too crowded.
    The increase in the tablets to help me sleep have helped the past few nights. Even though still takes time to get to sleep and I wake up at least once, I have slept much better compared to last few weeks. So I'm hoping that's working.
    I baked bread this afternoon with DD and it's so yummy. Can't beat freshly baked bread straight out the oven. I the smell is devine. Definitely good comfort food. Although my waist isn't thanking me for it.
    I am still feeling shaky but I am also trying hard to push it off and do what I can. I've not been out the house since Wednesday and dh keeps telling me to go for a walk. He goes on a walk everyday which keeps him going. Maybe I'll try later if I can. But I don't want to push myself too much. Have a good weekend all

  8. #18
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    That al sounds so positive. Well done lovely....
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  9. #19
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hunni, is DS helping out around the house?
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

  10. #20
    I just had my last councelling session. I got 3 via a work scheme. I don't understand why they give us three. It's really not enough. She seemed to imply that I never really got over my last episode of depression. I think she is right. My change in jobs helped me to heal and really distracted me. However I've not probably healed as I'm not well again. I can't shake this off. She said I'm in a very dark place and I know I am. I can stop this however hard I am trying. I feel like I have no rest. Last two nights I didn't sleep well even on the double dose. First three nights were better. I'm calling gp again. The councellors told me I must tell the dr how I am feeling. I feel stuck now. I was just beginning to open up then the session ended. I've done a self referral for healthy minds and will see what other help I can get. I hide this so well for people. I don't want people to know how I feel. I'd rather not have to discuss with anyone. But I'm keeping this hidden. Maybe I'm using my physical pain to hide my mental pain if that makes sense. Anyway I'm having an MRI this Wednesday so I'll know more soon. I kind of want them to find something so I can say this is what's causing my pain. But I guess if it is all phycological then I won't be able to hide it much longer. Not sure if any of this makes sense. I'm just feeling a little flat after this session. Im going to pick up take away for me and DD as not in mood to cook. The other two are away for two nights

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