No details, just a general gist that she's been telling her mum I'm horrible to her. T said he's piped up a few times that what she's said isn't true. Not sure I want to know. J's told her that lying about people isn't good but keeps telling me that she's only 5. I've pointed out that children have a concept of truth and lying at a younger age than A.
I think I've just joined a writers group in the village...
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You’re right, she knows that lying is wrong but she is still very young and look who her mother is? Divorce is tough on kids and although that doesn’t justify bad behaviour it happens. You said she’s been doing it to Cruella’s chap too so that suggests to me there is more to it and maybe you need to find out why she sees her parents new partners as mean people.
The writers group sounds like a great idea. I’m really pleased that you are joining in with the local community.
Jaquaia (14-09-20)
Jaq, don't lose any sleep over the situation with A. It's fairly common with small kids when their mum and dad split and have new relationships. Yes, she is lying in saying you and her mum's chap are mean. So she sees you and J sit on the settee together, him giving you a cuddle in the kitchen, you in the same bed together...and it's the same with Cruella and her new bloke. A's little mind can't differentiate or understand adult male/female love and relationships. All she knows is that someone has come along and 'taken' her daddy away from her - Same with Cruella - and daddy must love you more than her! So what's she going to do about it? Her solution - because she knows no better - is to create a bit of mayhem by telling her mum that you're mean to her and telling you and J that C's bloke is mean to her! As toxic as C was/is, it was was all A knew. Yes, she's lying and it's wrong but it's the only way she can tackle it. I had the same with my step daughter! She used to fake a tummy ache so she could sleep in the middle of both of us!! Have you tried having just girly time with her..i.e.going into town and then you and A go to a tea shop or whatever for coke and cake, and J & T doing their thing too? Then meeting up and swapping? You'd be surprised at what kids talk about on a 1:1. have you asked her lightheartedly what her biggest and best wish is? I think she just needs reassurance that however much daddy loves you, he'll love A just as much. You know all this though and I don't wish to sound patronising because you're clearly a great mum and they're both so lucky to have you. A just has a bee in her bonnet because she's probably never witnessed her dad being loved and loving someone else...it's alien to her, and you and C's bloke are a threat! Hence the fibs. The bath is another place where kids seem to open up and be honest. It'll pass but it's hurtful at the time.
Jaquaia (14-09-20)
I often have time with just A. We'll bake or play a game together or watch films together. And she often asks for me to bath her instead of her dad. She's said it's because she knows mummy doesn't like me and she thought it would make her happy. But then says that she can't wait for me to marry daddy.
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Thing is, she does know it's wrong and although I think she's probably right - as in that she is doing it to make mummy happy, she has to be told to stop as it could be really serious. What if it was social services or school or something? It has to be stopped. And actually J is the one who needs to do it with you, not allow it to happen....
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
Jaquaia (14-09-20)
He's spoken to her a few times over the last day or so about how telling lies about someone is wrong. All we can do now is see how it goes. But I've refused to brush her hair for the last 2 days. She told me she didn't want me to brush her hair as I always pull it and T revealed it's something she's said to Cruella. Yet she's said countless times that it didn't hurt at all as I take my time with it. She only has short hair and it got knotted so badly once because of the wind, that it took me more than half an hour to get all the knots out without hurting her. I wouldn't want to just pull the brush through as my mum did it to me when I was little and I know how much it hurt so why would I do it to her? I'm just really wary at the moment. Not helped by the fact that this morning she was sat on her windowsill and wouldn't get down when I told her to. She asked for help and when I lifted her down she caught her leg on the corner of her bedside table but now my mind is playing on what stories she's going to tell mum...
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Oh lovely. You're in a very difficult position... Are you talking to J about it all? Has anyone actually told her that it's upsetting to you?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
They can be little so n so's can't they? Ok....they may be little but they aren't daft! I agree with Suzi on that it may be an idea if you have a little word with her teacher as soon as you can.They've heard it all before, they must be used to this sort of thing. Just put her straight. Well more fool Cruella if she's going to believe the stories....maybe she'd like to know what A is saying about HER! If you cover all bases as soon as possible things should be ok. I wouldn't worry yourself sick over it though.
Thing is, Fern used to be an amazing liar when she was about that age. She once had her Nan actually call her Granddad because Fern had been so convincing when she told her that Granddad had snuck into their room and stolen her dolls house.....
You will get through this love, but maybe J needs to stamp a bit harder - does he realise how serious it could be?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
You do know me don't you Flo? Telling me not to worry is like telling the sun not to rise!.gif "(giggle)")
I've not really talked about it as I was just getting reminded that she's 5. A does know I'm upset with her as I told her that I didn't want to see her at that moment in time and why. She said that she didn't like it when I was cross with her so I told her I wasn't cross but I was very upset and hurt by what she'd done. I just feel like I've handled it all badly so refuse to keep going over it.
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