When is it gonna be my turn?

[Stella180]

Nope, dunno where the order is but it was logged as delivered at 1.15pm. Seriously annoyed. This is going to sound mad but I know you get it now.
I’m trying to order via the Tesco app and it’s not happening. The app is working fine but I’m not. The layout is different, products are different, I can’t rely on my favourites list to reorder my usual stuff and I am getting so stressed out I almost feel like crying. I hate that these things are so hard for me even though I now understand why. I just want some bloody groceries!

[Suzi]

Stop and breathe. It's going to be hard because it's different and because you're f*cking angry (and rightly so) with Asda. Give yourself 5 mins, walk away and then come back to it...

[Stella180]

I’ve managed to put an order together for click and collect on Saturday night. I still have the strange knotted feeling inside. I’ve never really been able to share how I feel when change occurs. The physical feelings as well as the emotional ones. It’s hard when things that most people consider trivial feel like a major crisis to me and then on the other hand the things where people expect me to struggle I’m absolutely fine. It doesn’t make sense.

I remember many years ago having a row with my partner at the time because he used the wrong coloured pen when signing a cheque. It was such a huge deal for me and he, rightful I suppose, pointed out that it made no difference but for me wasn’t right and I got really upset over it. Another occasion where I over reacted to something of nothing. It’s why I rarely ask for help with stuff cos when they don’t do it right I get worked up and if I tell them I look ungrateful so I wait til they’re gone and redo it myself which defeated the object of getting help in the first place.

I get upset with myself whenever I get my haircut because it’s never exactly what I want but I don’t know how to tell them what I do want and people are rarely able to read minds. Tonight there was a post in a group about what items of clothing make you feel sexy? I’ve no idea what sexy feels like let alone how to dress for it. Clothes serve a purpose and all I hate clothes shopping. All I want is practical and comfortable. That’s it. Dressing up doesn’t make my feel good, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

It’s really hard embracing who I am when I don’t fit with the expectation of society. I’m different and I’m fine with that but that isn’t always a good thing. I’m often missing out or stuff because it’s awkward for me so I make some excuse or avoid certain activities or places. I miss out on so much due to small things. Of course now I understand what is behind a lot of these issues but it doesn’t really help. It just makes me sad. There are so many little things in my life that influence the big things and I have so many barrier, some I’ve built myself but others have just always been there. I guess this is one of the bumps in the road of self reflection and getting to know myself, seeing myself through a different lens. All of these thoughts because I needed to place an order for delivery from a different store.

[Paula]

Like so many things in life, it’s not clothes that give you self worth (in whatever form that takes). It’s the confidence to be yourself, and ignore what society thinks or expects. And that applies to everything in our lives, as long as we’re kind and respectful with it

[Stella180]

And yet still people get dressed up and put make up on or get their hair done so it is obviously important. For me I look at things like school proms and just the thought about that scares me and I’m so glad we didn’t have things like that when we were at school. Anything that requires formalwear or any form of specific dress code makes me uncomfortable so for example I mate be really into playing tennis but at the end of season the local club has a formal dinner as a celebration and awards night. That one night of social expectation would be enough to stop me from joining the club and enjoying the sport. It might seem out of proportion but that’s how it is for me. Weddings are hell. The service is fine but the rituals that follow not so much, catching the bouquet, err no thanks not getting involved in that. The greetings between the couple and family with guests at the wedding breakfast makes me cringe, and then sitting on a table eating with strangers not good. If I can avoid weddings I will. Award giving me, collecting a certificate in front of an audience and the obligatory handshake and fake smile for the camera. I hate it all.

[Jaquaia]

I promise that you don't have to wear a dress when I get married, or sit on a table with strangers. Though depends what you class as strange... Suzi and Paula could be classed as very strange!

[Stella180]

It feels good sharing these things here. All the hidden things that stress me out and I felt embarrassed about. I’ll most definitely come to your wedding Jaq cos you’re going down the a different path and it sounds fab. Plus you’re freaking awesome and I’d endure any amount of discomfort to be there for you on your big day.

[Suzi]

Awww.. I think you're awesome.

[Stella180]

Well that was amusing. Just had a guy offer to give a quote on cleaning my guttering out. After telling me it would be £400 and Includes using special cement on roof tiles and a special coating on guttering which comes with a 10 yr guarantee then says if I need a recommendation to speak to a neighbour in the street that they “have done a lot of work for”. Hmmmm. A service with a 10 yr guarantee but includes plenty of repeat business? Even with a £100 discount I think I’ll pass on that one. Dude really needs to brush up on his salesman skills.

[Paula]

£400 for clearing guttering????