I need someone to talk to. *SU trigger*

[Khalil]

I just wanna talk to someone. Get this off of my chest. So I'm a really shy guy who likes to stay alone. So since I've been little I would see a girl or somebody that I would like to know but I never try and as time passes by when I see someone that i like i just keep it in my heart and after a few months I forget that person but recently it's starting to get harder and it gives me the feeling that I would rather be dead than living like this. So basically what happened is that it's been like 6 months since I've seen this girl that I wanna get to know. She's driving me crazy and i almost feel like if i don't see her or lose her idk what else i would do in my life. I actually sent her a message in Instagram and she left me on read and after another month I sent another message and she replied after 3 or 4 messages she didn't talk anymore. I know right that it's their right if they don't wanna reply btw I'm not a stalker or anything similar. And recently there have been some problems in the family you know your mother shouting at you and they keep complaining, I'm about to lose my mind. And recently I started to look at life as a game or just a joke. Maybe I can't describe how I feel rn by using words but trust me its bad but trust me I swear if I had a gun I would shoot myself in the head and disappear forever. Im thinking about making a poison. I know that suicide is not the solution but I can't be patient anymore. Especially after what happened to me with that girl.

The reason why I came here cuz I don't wanna talk to my family or my friends about this. You know what they'll say be patient or whatever I close the door of my room every night and just cry I can't do it anymore. I wish that I've never seen this girl and I wish that my family would appreciate and feel what I'm going through.

I've even searched in wikipedia how to suicide and I found starvation and dehydration as the easiest way.