So here goes.... **SU trigger**

[Dee]

Newly returned member, thought it would be easy to post on here (I know how non judgmental and helpful you lot are) but I've struggled tbh.

Seems to be one thing after another, I had a place in counselling through the local authority but gave it up as I couldn't cope with telling her that I'd had to re-home most of my animals due to the housing officer objecting. I've managed to hang on to some of them, it was my fault as I did have too many in a small flat, things had got out of hand and I'm lucky that they went for re-homing through local charities.

I had a breakdown earlier this year, my medication stopped working and things built up and I couldn't cope. I'm self employed so managed to only have an extra 6 days off, quite proud of that! Made it hard though but also made me keep going.

My parents are....difficult. They don't really believe in mental illness. They don't really believe in me either lol. I asked for financial advice from them on Saturday and was told, among other gems "you are ruining our retirement by being alive" and "if you did get a mortgage you'd lose the place in 3 months" my Mum rounded it off by saying they were on my side. Hmmm. So I've struggled with strong suicidal thoughts since, they tend to be at the back of my mind but this pushed them front and center!

Daughter is struggling too, she is smart, top set in school but is missing a lot of classes due to getting kicked out. Been labelled as a difficult troublemaker so they kick her out easily now. I don't blame them, they've got 30 odd kids to teach, why should they put up with her? It makes it hard for her to sort out though. She blames the teachers and her Dad tends to take her side as he never got on with school, so it's causing issues in an otherwise ok split.
The school has been good, she is attending an out of school workshop on a Wednesday that is teaching her up-cycling (and sneaking social and communication skills in too apparently)
I also found her a local young women's group that she seems to enjoy. It's totally away from the school and is confidential, they do social and group work.
Trouble is it feels like we are doing everything and she is doing nothing.

I don't really have friends, people on Facebook and a couple of local ones that are a bit more than acquaintances. Don't want to burden anyone with my issues.
I've tried finding social places but they are usually later at night than I can go to as I rely on the bus as can't afford a car.

I'm working to improve my finances, listed debts and I do an income/expenditure every week. I am rubbish with finances, I like nice things, but I am trying.

So yeah, just needed to vent really. Not sure what I need/want!

Thank you if you read all that!