Hi, This is my first post since my last depressive episode 3 years ago. I was really pleased and grateful to have found and received the help and support that this forum offers last time around and am hoping it will help again.

Over the last month or so I have found myself falling back into the black hole of depression again. Redundancy, parents ill health, personal health problem (myelitis), the death of our beloved 17 year old cat along with a tricky patch in my relationship seem to have combined so i find myself waking up the last few mornings feeling extremely down/ like I would like 'god' to reach down and strike me down with a heart attack or some fatal malady so I don't have to deal with feeling so drained, exhausted, isolated, lonely and down all the time. Its all so familiar from 3 years ago and just as horrible.

I have continued taking my 50g sertraline since my last episode but was in the process of trying to wean off it when everything came on top again. When that happened I went back to my normal 50g dosage again and after 4 weeks on this I spoke to my doc who recommended going up to 100g. Over the last 2 weeks I have been doing 75g doses with the aid of a pill cutter with the intention of making the transition to 100g smoother (I was going to start the 100g over the next few days). I have been taking the 75g in the morning.

The thing is that I have been feeling awful on waking, especially the last 3 or so days. I was wondering if people here have had any experience of taking the 2 tablets in a 100g dose at 2 separate points in the day - maybe 9 in the morning and 9 at night - in order to regulate the dose and spread the medication's effects across the day??? I have no idea if this would make any difference at all.

The doc also said that there might be a chance that, as when I started on the original dose, I would feel worse at first before feeling better.

I would love some advice if that's possible.

Also I seem to be drawing a blank on google but I would really love to find some sort of support group/ meeting in North London if anyone is aware of one. I have one friend who I am able to talk to about depression as she's also goes through it but I worry abt 'overloading' her and would love to find a group of people to share with on some sort of regular basis.

Thanks again