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Thread: Some advice needed

  1. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by ritual93 View Post
    Thanks for the reply, I understand

    To keep a long story short:

    I met this girl and we started 'dating' for about 2-3 weeks, I stayed over at hers, we went out to dinner, just generally hung out etc. I noticed a change in her behaviour, which happened toward the end, she just stopped messaging me, and just didn't seem herself and I asked her if everything was OK and if anything was on her mind, which she would just tell me that everything was fine.. One evening out of the blue she texted me that she was really busy at work and her schedule is looking busy, and that she thinks it's best we didn't see each other anymore. So after talking for a bit, I just left it that it was great meeting her and that I'm going to miss seeing her and left it there, to which she just out of the blue started to tell me that she suffered with depression and it's starting to come back again and it's taking her over and that she goes hot and cold and thinks it's fair on me that she doesn't continue seeing me. I understood, and obviously told her all the obvious 'We'll get through it together' 'I'll always be here for you' etc. to which she said she appreciates it but she doesn't want to put me through it and needs to deal with it by herself.

    This was about 4-5 weeks ago now.. So after all that I pretty much felt like it was over, and just got on with my life.. But a week later she randomly sent me a message saying 'Have you blocked me?' and I told her I didn't and she didn't reply from there.. But from that I gathered that she does care about me, and for her to tell me about the depression when I didn't even pry means she somewhat trusts me?

    So after this I've been frequently messaging her to check in on her (like every 3-5 days) because I don't want to smother her, but I also want to let her know that I'm never gonna go anywhere.

    The first time I told her I'm here for her and if there's anything I can do for her just let me know as she is important to me etc... She always responds and is pretty detailed about it, she tells me generally how she is feeling and always says she hopes that I'm OK and also she said 'Why are you so nice to me' 'You're so lovely' etc. But then she just stops replying (which I know she is going through some tough times so it doesn't bother me)

    But I just want to know, am I doing the right things by keeping in contact with her frequently, just to ask how she is doing, and re-assuring her that I am still around and care about her etc? I have no motive at all, yes I have have romantic feelings for her, but I am not selfish, I know she is going through a crappy time so I am literally just here for her as friend. Is there anything more I can do/try?

    I've seen a few different women over the past year or so, and she is the one that I really connected with and we got on so well, and I can't seem to get her off my mind, I do genuinely like her and really care for her and want to see her get through this.. It would be nice to be apart of the healing process as I believe a big hug, or just someone there to listen will be a great thing for her, but she doesn't want to see me as I think she feels she will drag me down or hurt my feelings, but I'm a big boy and I've had a friend who had depression and I know that people say / do things they don't mean when they are suffering

    I know a problem is she hasn't known me that long, and probably has trouble fully trusting me, or doesn't want to trust me and in her head I could end up letting her down, or abandoning her etc (Maybe some other guy has done this to her in the past?)

    Don't say 'move on' or whatever, because it's nothing like that and I'm not desperate for a relationship, and like i stated this is not about my needs at all, I genuinely do care for her just on a friendly level.

    You're absolutely doing the right thing! Reading your story makes me glad that there are people like you out there. Just continue what you're doing as what you're doing right now is good.

  2. #22
    You sound wonderful. Well done for showing support and genuine kindness. Continue what you are doing if you can. Messaging her every few days is a good idea. It will really help her to know that someone cares. If she wanted to see you in person I'm sure she would tell you.

  3. #23
    What youre doing now is actually good. It make her thinks that there's someone longing for her.

  4. #24
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Surrey. UK
    Scilover, you appear to just be randomly posting on old threads - this one you posted on and you've posted a similar comment again! Please read the threads so you don't comment the same thing multiple times.
    Wibble, wobble, jelly on a plate...

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