Musings of Decades

[Suzi]

So what do you get pleasure from?

You could always try spicing up your life? Travel some more? Do some more risk taking adrenaline junkie kind of stuff... What stops you from doing this?

[decades]

I don't get much pleasure from anything. And the things I do get pleasure from aren't really within my control.

I've never been an adrenaline junkie. I have traveled and intend to do more.

But I think the real issue is that I need to feel contentment without these things.

My life is boring or at least boring. And there's nothing wrong with that! It's only boring compared to the fantasy life I had in my head, and I won't be able to compete with that. Is also boring compared to the few times in my life when it has been exciting. I can't compare every day to those few occasions.

[Suzi]

Maybe not, but maybe planning some more exciting things - holidays, adventures etc might help give you something to look forward to?

[Paula]

I’m a bit confused, you say you wanted a rollercoaster ride yet you also say you’re not an adrenaline junkie. I’m wondering if you need to work out what gives your life value, what matters to you rather than what you think should matter to you itms..

[decades]

Yes I can see how this is a bit contradictory. I think it's been more emotional excitement I've craved. The kind of excitement from interacting with people, although I'm not very good at interacting with people. I'm not even interested in interacting with people at first because it's hard work. In fact even when I've got to know people I don't what too much excitement because it just becomes stressful. But I did when I was younger. Maybe it's because I didn't take such real work situations seriously at the time. I suppose I just avoid it now, but that leaves a hole. I guess I'm just full of contradictions.

[Suzi]

What kind of emotional excitement do you crave?

[decades]

When I was younger it was things like short term relationships, sometimes even getting into arguments for the sake of it because it was 'fun'. I absolutely recognise this as destructive behaviour now. I feel it was filling a hole that is still not filled, but I don't know what to full it with. In truth I know I should not be trying to fill that hole, and just to be happy with myself, even if that means being content with being unhappy, if that makes any sense.

I'm concentrating on being 'in the now', not dreaming of what things could be like in the future: I used to think dreaming of the future was good, but you can get caught up in it. You forget to live your life as it is now, and if you dream of a different life, you become uncontented with what you already have. I think contentment is the key here. I've mentioned before that that is what I've been striving for: contentment with what I have, because on paper, it really isn't that bad. I feel that if I accept being 'bored and unhappy', and stop visualising another life with which to compare my real life to, then I could become genuinely more content.

Fantasising is like advertising to yourself, and advertising works. It makes you want things. Like in this capitalist world, if people weren't presented with material possessions they don't have, they wouldn't miss them. I once heard an interview with someone who talked about growing up in the fifties, in a slum estate. He said he 'didn't know he was poor', because he had nothing to compare it to. This is the problem with our society, we are constantly presented with images of the perfect life, or of excitement, and our lives seem lacking or dull in comparison. If I was just plonked into the middle of my own world from nowhere it would probably seem great. I need to stop and appreciate, and dream less.

I've been looking into mindfulness add this seems share some of these values.

[Suzi]

I've never found getting into arguments "fun" tbh... Definitely try mindfulness? It really helps to be in the moment.
There's nothing wrong with dreaming and having ambitions...
Do you have any support network around you?

[Paula]

Dreaming and having ambitions is a good thing but I find I need to plan steps to get towards those dreams - otherwise I get overwhelmed. One dream I have is to go with my family to a show in the West End. I know I can’t manage it yet but recently we went to a small theatre in Bath to see a play - we had a lovely time and it felt like a step in the right direction.

[decades]

Good work Paula, and ask the best on going to the West End.

Those are realistic, manageable dreams. I'm taking more about unrealistic fantasies, which when left unchecked can take over your mind, and leave your real life feeling inadequate. One needs to be careful of them.