Hi *AB, SU TRIGGERS*

[Penny]

Hi. I’m new to the forum. I’ve had depression and anxiety for about 9 years. I’m on medication, had various counselling over the years. Some has been very helpful at the time, but now I have no support. I also drink too much which I know makes me feel worse. There are mental health issues in my family caused mainly by mental abuse by my Mother and also sexual abuse by another member of the family. My brother committed suicide last year. Even though I have a wonderful husband and 2 grown up children and two grandchildren I now feel I have no point in being alive. My husband try’s but cannot understand what I’m going through. I don’t see my children or grandchildren very often, so they obviously don’t care about me. My daughter rings once a week but she always sounds like I’m getting on her nerves. but my son never calls , it can be months before I see him and my darling grandchildren, I once said I needed to see them more but he said I was ‘putting pressure on him’ to visit more! and when we do see him it is always arranged by me or my husband. I do not discuss my mental health with my children as they won’t understand or care. They do know I had a breakdown years ago but I guess they think I’m ok now. My parents never loved me so I made a big effort with my children to always let them know I love them, which I do deeply, and have always been there for them and done everything we could over the years but now they have grown up I feel I have lost them. I only wanted a different relationship with my children than what my mother had with hers. There’s no point going to the Dr as they do nothing apart from putting you down for counselling again. I cannot ring the Samaritans as the person in my family who abused me was a Samaritan so you never know who you are talking to. I feel so lonely and so tired. I feel I have no one.For the first time this week I looked up how many and what tablets to take to end it all. I am so scared with what’s happening to me. Someone at work caught me on this app and said “staying alive app”! ? and then laughed. That shows that no one understands unless you are going through it. Thank you for reading this, I no you will understand.